Do you have a goal? Professional, personal, or otherwise? I bet you do, whether it’s to get a certain number of clients per month, to stop eating grains, or to learn to juggle.

Now, let me guess: You’ve got a system worked out to get you there, don’t you? You’re going to attend networking meetings, write blog posts, and update your LinkedIn profile. You’re going to only eat at home so you can control your meals, and throw all your old grains into the compost heap. You’re going to watch that Juggling For Fools video, and practice your juggling fifteen minutes every night after dinner.

No matter what the goal is, you’ve got a system, I’m sure. How am I so sure? Because systems are said to be the key to achieving everything these days. Just think about productivity… there’s GTD , ZTD , and Hipster PDA’s; Blackberries, Franklin Planners, and 37 Signals. What’s best? That’s like asking, “What’s the best kind of music?” It all depends on you, what you’re doing, and what works for you.

The point, in any instance, is not what system you use… it’s that you stick with it.

If you’ve dabbled in productivity systems for any length of time, you know what I’m saying is true, because everyone has discovered, researched, and spent time on setting up some kind of system, only to have the thing gather dust and fall by the wayside.

It’s your ability to remain disciplined, regardless of what life throws at you, that determines your success. Or, as Vince Lombardi said, “Inches make champions.” When life gives you lemons, do you see the lemonade-creation process through? Or do you say, “Oh, it wasn’t convenient for me,” or, “I lost my passion for it,” or, “Evidently, that was the Universe’s way of telling me I shouldn’t be doing that.” ?

Forget the Common Approach

What’s the common approach to discipline? “Okay, let me set this up so everything’s perfect and ideal, and I’ll control all the variables and get. this. done!” You think that if you make your day run like clockwork, you’ll achieve your goals. But sadly, this isn’t practical, feasible, or even advisable.

Tanya Wagner, winner of the 2009 CrossFit Games, and 2nd place finisher in 2008, wrote about her training philosophy recently:

I think varying training days, times, and physical conditions really works for me and really seemed to help me for the Games. I can be mental at times, and always used to be very methodical with soccer in high school and in college. My training had to be precise and my warm up was identical before every game or I’d mentally be out of it. When I think about it now, that approach used to hurt me to a degree. I like how CrossFit has helped me to not have any excuses and has made me more disciplined mentally.

If you need stability and normalcy to experience discipline, are you really disciplined? Or just good at control? What I love about Tanya’s experience is that even when circumstances weren’t what she wanted them to be, she still achieved her goal by giving it everything she had – not to control it, but to show up fully in any and every situation.

The point is not to control your environment, it’s to control your attitude. Mix things up from time to time, and see how you do. If you’re used to planning your days to the minute, then make one day a week completely unstructured, and see if you can still get a priority task done. If you tend to fly by the seat of your pants all the time, then see what happens if you hold yourself to a schedule at least once a week. Can you still hold yourself to your goals, even when outside circumstances aren’t absolutely agreeable?

This works in all kinds of areas, by the way…

• Nutrition: If you plan your meals out religiously, then give yourself a week of whipping together what you can, when you can. I’m not saying eat junk, obviously, just see if you can still eat well without the control. Perhaps have your spouse/friends make a few meals, and see how you do. Can you stick to your plan, even when presented with less than optimal choices?
• Exercise: In a rut? Doing the same thing over and over? Get thee to a CrossFit gym, and see what they can do for you (trust me). Can you stick with it, even when it’s uncomfortable? (And if you’re a CrossFitter already, then experiment with MEBB, CFSB, or check out Catalyst Athletics’ workouts.)
• Leisure: Do you tend to pick the same activities week in, week out? Movies, television, walks in the park, etc.? Mix it up, then! Go to a funky live music venue you’ve never been to before, check out neighborhoods near you you’ve never been in, read books in genres you’ve ignored. Talk to strangers at coffee houses, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or go out and get your hands in the earth by planting a tree or tending a garden. Can you still relax and have a good time?

Discipline isn’t about regimens, controlling your environment, or being anal about having things your way. It’s about following through, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. It’s about keeping your eyes on the prize, and toughing it out. It’s about digging deep in yourself to remain committed to your goal, no matter what life throws at you. (And yeah, few people like hard work. That’s why success isn’t as commonplace as it should be.)

Not eating the french fries is easy when you’re at home, but can you leave them on your plate at the restaurant? Not watching TV is easy when the cable’s out. And not wasting your day on Twitter is easy when the Fail Whale is running the show.

It’s inconveniencing yourself when life’s making everything convenient that shows you what you’re made of. That’s how you make your systems work. That’s how you achieve goals. That’s how you win championships.

Image by Susanica.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | No comment

But being the between-the-lines kinda guy that I am, I wanted to answer the question not with three answers, but with one. And so naturally, my answer was “CrossFit.”

Now, I never would have answered that question with any other fitness/exercise/sport that I’ve done (except maybe Nomadics), and I’ve done tons: intercollegiate rowing, yoga (bikram’s, ashtanga, hatha), triathlons, tai chi, full-contact martial arts, bodybuilding, you name it. Why?

Because you’ve got to embrace the suck.

Jon Gilson of Again Faster says it excellently in this must-read article:

When the knurling scrapes your shins, and your traps bunch into knots, you’ll make a decision, one that will affect every aspect of your life. Give in to the agony, and you will always give in. Cave to demands that crush you, and you’ll always cave. Roll to the floor, and you’ll always exist beneath those who choose to stand.

In order to make it through gruesome ordeals, you have to find a place in yourself that wants to overcome. Rising up to meet a challenge, toughing it out when high tide comes your way, and gritting your teeth and not giving up are the price of admission to success.

When you dig deep and muster up a performance that you weren’t sure you had in you, that teaches you something. It teaches you that you are strong, that you can withstand Shakespeare’s “slings and arrows”, and that your character, being what it is, is sufficient to the task.

“Embracing the suck,” then, is the hallmark of a champion. If you can look at a challenge, know it’s going to bite you in the ass, and still get yourself up to the starting line, then you’re playing the game for real.

You may not like it, but it’s true.

I know this may not sit well in today’s personal growth culture, where you can’t take a strong stance without the words compassion! and empathy! being hissed at you like you’re a demonic drill sergeant, just waiting to pound anything soft within range into cold, hard submission.

Now, before you write me off as a heartless bastard, know that I fully understand the roles of compassion, empathy, and proper timing. Too much, too fast, and you’ll burn out your engine, whether it’s your physical engine or your spiritual one. There are times when pushing means pushing too hard, and you do need to back off and give yourself a break.

But if you’re always giving yourself a break, and don’t have a mechanism in place that will take you past your comfort zones, you’ll never grow. And in my estimation, that would be worse than having never pushed too far.

It doesn’t have to be CrossFit, of course.

I’m not saying CrossFit is the only way. I’m not saying the path of the heart doesn’t have a thousand manifestations. And I’m not saying that there’s any one way to truth.

I am saying, though, that you have to find a way to go beyond who you’ve been. And in the rounded-corner world that most of us live in, there are precious few opportunities to see the kind of person you are, and forge yourself into something more.

And personally, I happen to love physical exercise. I love the movement of muscle and bone, the expression of intention through physical activity, and the grace and poise that athletics can bring to its devotees. Maybe it’s because I grew up overweight and sedentary for so many years that I’ve come to appreciate the joy of feeling my body do what it can. I don’t need to ruminate on it anymore, honestly, trying to find a concise “why”; it’s a joyous, happy part of my life, one that I’m immensely grateful for.

Again, from Jon Gilson’s article,

Remember that the walls of the gym are nothing more than physical barriers, meant only to separate us from the elements. What you do within those walls will echo in your daily life, and you would do well to choose your actions wisely.

And that’s just it, isn’t it?

What you do in one area of your life echoes through the rest of it, doesn’t it? You can’t compartmentalize anything. It all plays together, it all makes a difference, and it all matters.

How you rest is how you eat is how you work is how you dream is how you love. What you bring to one, you bring to another.

Image by Malingering.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments

I read an article years ago about tall people, and their supposed nomenclature for describing how tall they are. “What are you?”, one tall guy says to another. “Three,” says the second guy, who’s 6’3″. “You?”, he continues.

“Five,” says the 6’5″ guy, clearly feeling superior about the extra two inches of height he was given (and didn’t lift a finger for, of course). The two men size themselves up for a moment, swagger and grunt a few times, and both walk away feeling good that they’re in the upper percentiles of vertically-endowed men, and equally happy they didn’t come across LeBron James. Or Leonid Stadnyk.

Is This True?

I don’t honestly know, although I can say with all certainty, as someone who’s 6’4″ myself, I’ve never referred to myself as “four”, nor have I ever had some guy come at me and say he was “six” or “one” or “hey, I’m four, too.”

The idea, though, of self-identifying with a number is, of course, pretty darn silly (not to mention indicative of some serious insecurities that you should probably seek help with). There are plenty of metrics you can use to get a better grip on where you are in your life, and height isn’t one of them, unless you’re a teenage NBA hopeful. For the rest of us, let’s take a look at one metric that can have direct bearing on the kinds of conversations you are having, whether you realize it or not.

The Three S’s

The Three S’s come from Rick Warren’s A Purpose-Driven Life, which is a phenomenal best-seller about finding your purpose in life. I haven’t read the book myself, but Rick’s TED talk is a great one.

One of the essential gems of Rick’s teachings is about the stages of life that people go through on their way towards a life of purpose: Survival, Success, and Significance. Here I go, paraphrasing again…

• In Survival, you’re just trying to hold on.
• In Success, you’re making it work.
• In Significance, you’re used to having it work, and now you’re concerned with making it count.

As you can tell, these are three very different modes of being to live in. The feelings, experiences, and concerns of each mode are very, very specific (the more of these you’ve experienced, the more you know what I’m talking about). The kinds of conversations happening in your life are very dependent on the “S-level” you’re at. Or, at least, they should be.

When you’re trying to make your bills, and keep the power from being shut off, you’re not talking much about trips to the French Riviera, or what color Bentley you want to drive… and that’s a good thing. It’s just not healthy to put a lot of energy into conversations that pull your focus away from where it needs to be.

Think about it: Is it really worth twenty minutes of poring through swatches to figure out what color of carpet you want in your Tesla, when you’re getting ten phone calls a day from bill collectors? Should you really be planning that pilgrimage to Mt. Kailas when you’re a financially-induced vegetarian? Your time is better spent figuring out how you’re going to put food on the table and pay the electric bill.

You can’t pursue your purpose if your basic needs of life are not met.

Now, I can already hear the Law of Attraction devotees screaming at me, “But we’re supposed to focus on what we want!” Of course you are. Dream, visualize, create vision boards… do it all. But remember what the big key is to moving forward: Action. And the best kind of action is action that’s taking account of your needs in the moment.

It is absolutely essential then that, before you take any drastic action, you first sit down and decide what your true needs are. What do you need to survive – to pay rent, to buy food, to keep the lights on and the water running? What do you NEED – not WANT – what do you NEED in order to ensure that freedom in your mind and in your reality.

The greatest thing about these quotes is who said them: Bob Proctor. That’s right! King of the Secret, Mr. Law of Attraction himself… Bob wrote that in a 9-page article called, “Purpose, Vision, Goals” in 2003. He goes on to give great advice about getting clear on what your needs really are, and how to start pursuing your dreams without putting yourself in jeopardy. I highly recommend it (and since it’s free, you can get your hands on a copy no matter what conversation you’re in).

Besides, I’m a big believer in the Law of Attraction (it just makes darn good sense, in my opinion). Focusing on what you want, believing that you can achieve it, and working towards it with passion… that’s a great recipe for success.

What seems to trip up so many people, though, is that when they’re just starting their businesses, or looking for ways to engineer their perfect lives, they try to get their businesses airborne AND figure out if what they’re doing is what they’re “supposed” to be doing.

When I read Bob Proctor’s piece about not stressing about figuring out your place in the universe while you’re building your life, it just made perfect sense to me. It’s tough enough creating a business, marketing yourself, and serving your patrons without wondering at every turn if you’re fulfilling your ultimate destiny.

So, as you’re creating your suited-to-the-moment plan for the life you want,

• Take into account which “S-level” you’re at,
• Come up with a plan to:
• handle your present moment, while
• visualizing your positive future
• Trust that when the time comes to reap what you’ve sown (whether it’s in Success or Significance), you’ll be ready for it.

Image by Modified Enzyme.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2008. | Permalink | 3 comments

And that’s the crux of it, right there. Why aren’t people lining up around the block for your service?

Maybe it’s because you aren’t giving them a compelling enough reason to.

If you’re unique, then why are you marketing yourself just like everyone else? Do you really think that just calling yourself a coach/trainer/designer/whatever-it-is-you-do is going to help you stand out from the rest of the vanilla, white-bread, snore-inducing coaches/trainers/designers/etc.?

It’s not a question of uniqueness. You are unique. Just ask a forensic scientist.

What makes or breaks the success of your marketing campaign (and thus, your business) is how clearly you can communicate what it is you do in a way that reflects your uniqueness. As Marty Neumeier, the author of Brand Gap says in his latest book, Zag: “When everybody zigs, zag.”

Now the question becomes, “Where to start?” Try these:

Nosce Te Ipsum

Of course, in order to communicate your uniqueness, you’ve got to get in touch with it first. And that takes introspection, self-awareness, and some serious soul-searching.

Nosce te ipsum (or Temet Nosce, for you Matrix fans) means, “know thyself.” And before you can be anything to anyone, you’ve got to be true to yourself, and working in the service of your own passions, strengths, conviction, values, and purpose.

And now, to take this a level deeper: The full version of the “nosce te ipsum” motto translates to:

Know thyself – and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.

It’s one thing to get in touch with your own passion and purpose… and it’s a whole ‘nother thing to get in touch with a sense of the heavenly passion and deep, spiritual meaning that flows through your soul. You can’t think your way there, or infer your purpose based on personality traits or life events — you’ve got to connect your heart to the Oneness in all things, bask in the outpouring of Divine connection and flow, and feel what inspires your heart to act, and how to be, in perfect synchrony with the source of your innermost being.

How’s that for a to-do list item?

The Air To The Bird

Unless you’re gifted with a greater self-awareness than everyone else on the planet, you’re going to need support to see yourself the way that people outside your own head see you. As my favorite Hindu proverb states:

There are three mysteries in the world: the air to the bird, the water to the fish, and man to himself.

In other words, don’t try to do this alone; get help from close friends, mastermind partners, and those close to you whose only investment in this is for your highest growth (this isn’t the time to consult naysayers and fearmongerers, if you know what I mean).

Now, take your message out there, and broadcast it to the world. Because every business has a message. Is yours going to be heard?

Image by Wayne’s World 7

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 24 comments