Mmm... steaming hot ramen.

What I enjoyed most about the movie, without giving away too many details, was the main ingredient that Brittany Murphey’s character, Abby, learned to infuse into her ramen that made it special: spirit. Because in the end, this was not a movie about ramen, or romance. It was about finding one’s place in the world by focusing on the how more than the what.

“How” comes from within

The fact that Abby learned to make a great bowl of ramen is secondary to what it required of her to do it. She got the recipe right long before she was able to make a meal that was worthy of being served to her customers, because she was taught that making soup isn’t just about getting a bunch of ingredients and assembling them. It’s about heart. Unless your soup has spirit, it hasn’t got anything.

It’s a lesson that, I believe, resonates for many of us. We spend a lot of time reading books about parachutes or real-life stories of people searching for their “perfect” jobs. We’re taught to believe that if we just find the right career, we’ll be mystically satiated, and we’ll labor away blissfully for the rest of our lives. The emphasis here is placed on the initial discovery, and the promise is that once that discovery is made, the rest is downhill. (If you think about it, this ideal is promulgated in many arenas, from relationships to parenting to politics.)

The Ramen Girl teaches something else, though. It teaches that “getting the recipe right” is only the first step. In order to truly do something well, to transform it from ordinary to exceptional—and to transform yourself in the process—requires an internal contribution that goes beyond meticulousness and hard work. You have to invest yourself in what you’re doing. You have to be willing to be vulnerable, to give of yourself to your patrons through your work. It makes work personal, intimate, and unique.

The Divine is in the Details

As a webdesigner, I can churn out code until the cows come home. I can tweak settings, configure plugins, and customize design details until my fingers turn blue. And in so doing, I can be a good webdesigner, and serve my clients well. I’ll even feel the satisfaction of a job well done. But, is that all I should hope for?

If you want to feel like you’re doing your best work, the scorecard that matters is not the one that can be judged by what shows up on the screen, or on the paper, or in the product. Satisfaction—the bone-deep, spirit-lifting, existential experience of meaning—is found in the value and the interaction of your work and its target. In other words, it’s what your work creates in the experience of another that comes back to you as satisfaction. If it matters, then it matters, no matter what you’re called, from carpenter to coach to CEO.

It’s in the pursuit of that intangible satisfaction that work finds its meaning, we find our purpose, and the path of mastery is made clear. And, at every step of the way, it’s up to you to choose the giving road, the road of excellence, the road of interaction and connection, with your soul laid bare. It may not be easy, but the best things in life rarely come without incredible effort.

Image by bass_nroll.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 8 comments

Now, you’ve no doubt seen this question circulating amongst the well-intentioned, self-help best-seller bookshelves’ residents for years. It’s pulled out time and again as the ultimate refiner of focus, the samurai sword of the cut-through-the-fluff-ers’ arsenal, the go-to tool of the productivity heroes’ utility belts. Ready?

If you only had six months to live, what would you do right now?

Ta da! Answer that question, and all your troubles will be solved, right?

Well…

Answer that question, yes.

Like Leo says—and I agree with him completely—it can be a great reminder when the minutiae of life starts sucking you down like quicksand. It’s a great question for the moments when you get so fixated on busy-work that you’ve lost sight of what matters to you. It’s also a great question to keep in mind as you’re establishing your life’s priorities and goals, and writing New Year’s Resolutions (assuming anyone still does that anymore), and vacation planning (New Jersey, or Bali? Hmm…).

But, don’t use it when you should be asking something else.

When it comes to planning the vision of your company, this is perhaps the last question you should be asking. Unfortunately, it’s often pulled out in circumstances like this, because it’s seen as the end-all, be-all question. But it’s no Leatherman question, believe me. Why not?

Because this question gives you a view of your life that’s illusionary.

What, are you saying we’re going to live forever? No, silly… at least not physically.

But chances are pretty good that you’re going to be here longer than that… and you’d better plan for it.

If you were only going to live another six months, and knew it ahead of time, do you think you’d be solely concerned with the actions of your business? Hardly. You’d be looking at ways to get in as much family time, quality time, and personal time as possible. You’d be spending your time connecting with the people in your life that matter to you, getting your affairs in order, and maybe slipping in a few once-in-a-lifetime activities. I know I would.

What I wouldn’t be doing is revising my Facebook profile, blogging, twittering (much ), and I darn sure wouldn’t be redesigning my dream website.

Assuming, though, that you are going to be around longer, your questions change considerably. Ask yourself, instead, “If I was going to live another 40, 50, or 60 years, what would I be doing?”

Your answers change, don’t they. They probably change a lot.

Instead of thinking, “Skysurfing over Cozumel,” now you’re thinking, “Change the so-and-so industry,” or, “Expand my business internationally,” or, “Make a difference in the lives of every child in Ghana.” Not that it has to be ultra-grandiose, either… you could be thinking, “Grow my business to where I can sell it/retire in enough time to enjoy my grandkids.” Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what you come up with.

What matters is that you’re thinking about your life, not your endgame.

The problem I have with the six-months-to-live question is that it tends to obliterate the more common reality that you’re going to be here a while. You’ve got a chance to make an impact, in whatever way that matters to you. You’ve got a chance to make something of your self, your life, and your contribution to others.

The balance, of course, is to live for the moment at the same time you’re living for seven generations. Both perspectives are vital, and they aren’t mutually exclusive. You can do amazing things in the time you have, and have amazing times in the things you do. It takes focus, of course… and it also takes a realist’s eye to see where and how to apply it.

So…

If you only have forty years to live, what would you do right now?

Maybe you’d start taking your business more seriously. Maybe you’d take your health more seriously, or think a bit more about the person you share a bed with — or want to. Maybe you’d think of better ways to invest in your relationship with your kids.

Maybe you’d start reaching out and connecting with people more. Maybe you’d revise your Facebook profile, blog about something you love, start twittering (a lot ), and for darn sure, it’d be a good idea to start redesigning your dream website.

Is the ‘six month’ question useless?

Heavens, no. Overused? Probably. But still useful, in the right context, along with the other questions that take into account the much more likely scenario.

The question is, what would you do? Think about both questions, “six months” and “forty years”, and post your first thoughts to the comments, would you? I think it would be really helpful to see what others come up with.

Image by Rickydavid.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 12 comments

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2008. | Permalink | 2 comments

I read an article years ago about tall people, and their supposed nomenclature for describing how tall they are. “What are you?”, one tall guy says to another. “Three,” says the second guy, who’s 6’3″. “You?”, he continues.

“Five,” says the 6’5″ guy, clearly feeling superior about the extra two inches of height he was given (and didn’t lift a finger for, of course). The two men size themselves up for a moment, swagger and grunt a few times, and both walk away feeling good that they’re in the upper percentiles of vertically-endowed men, and equally happy they didn’t come across LeBron James. Or Leonid Stadnyk.

Is This True?

I don’t honestly know, although I can say with all certainty, as someone who’s 6’4″ myself, I’ve never referred to myself as “four”, nor have I ever had some guy come at me and say he was “six” or “one” or “hey, I’m four, too.”

The idea, though, of self-identifying with a number is, of course, pretty darn silly (not to mention indicative of some serious insecurities that you should probably seek help with). There are plenty of metrics you can use to get a better grip on where you are in your life, and height isn’t one of them, unless you’re a teenage NBA hopeful. For the rest of us, let’s take a look at one metric that can have direct bearing on the kinds of conversations you are having, whether you realize it or not.

The Three S’s

The Three S’s come from Rick Warren’s A Purpose-Driven Life, which is a phenomenal best-seller about finding your purpose in life. I haven’t read the book myself, but Rick’s TED talk is a great one.

One of the essential gems of Rick’s teachings is about the stages of life that people go through on their way towards a life of purpose: Survival, Success, and Significance. Here I go, paraphrasing again…

• In Survival, you’re just trying to hold on.
• In Success, you’re making it work.
• In Significance, you’re used to having it work, and now you’re concerned with making it count.

As you can tell, these are three very different modes of being to live in. The feelings, experiences, and concerns of each mode are very, very specific (the more of these you’ve experienced, the more you know what I’m talking about). The kinds of conversations happening in your life are very dependent on the “S-level” you’re at. Or, at least, they should be.

When you’re trying to make your bills, and keep the power from being shut off, you’re not talking much about trips to the French Riviera, or what color Bentley you want to drive… and that’s a good thing. It’s just not healthy to put a lot of energy into conversations that pull your focus away from where it needs to be.

Think about it: Is it really worth twenty minutes of poring through swatches to figure out what color of carpet you want in your Tesla, when you’re getting ten phone calls a day from bill collectors? Should you really be planning that pilgrimage to Mt. Kailas when you’re a financially-induced vegetarian? Your time is better spent figuring out how you’re going to put food on the table and pay the electric bill.

You can’t pursue your purpose if your basic needs of life are not met.

Now, I can already hear the Law of Attraction devotees screaming at me, “But we’re supposed to focus on what we want!” Of course you are. Dream, visualize, create vision boards… do it all. But remember what the big key is to moving forward: Action. And the best kind of action is action that’s taking account of your needs in the moment.

It is absolutely essential then that, before you take any drastic action, you first sit down and decide what your true needs are. What do you need to survive – to pay rent, to buy food, to keep the lights on and the water running? What do you NEED – not WANT – what do you NEED in order to ensure that freedom in your mind and in your reality.

The greatest thing about these quotes is who said them: Bob Proctor. That’s right! King of the Secret, Mr. Law of Attraction himself… Bob wrote that in a 9-page article called, “Purpose, Vision, Goals” in 2003. He goes on to give great advice about getting clear on what your needs really are, and how to start pursuing your dreams without putting yourself in jeopardy. I highly recommend it (and since it’s free, you can get your hands on a copy no matter what conversation you’re in).

Besides, I’m a big believer in the Law of Attraction (it just makes darn good sense, in my opinion). Focusing on what you want, believing that you can achieve it, and working towards it with passion… that’s a great recipe for success.

What seems to trip up so many people, though, is that when they’re just starting their businesses, or looking for ways to engineer their perfect lives, they try to get their businesses airborne AND figure out if what they’re doing is what they’re “supposed” to be doing.

When I read Bob Proctor’s piece about not stressing about figuring out your place in the universe while you’re building your life, it just made perfect sense to me. It’s tough enough creating a business, marketing yourself, and serving your patrons without wondering at every turn if you’re fulfilling your ultimate destiny.

So, as you’re creating your suited-to-the-moment plan for the life you want,

• Take into account which “S-level” you’re at,
• Come up with a plan to:
• handle your present moment, while
• visualizing your positive future
• Trust that when the time comes to reap what you’ve sown (whether it’s in Success or Significance), you’ll be ready for it.

Image by Modified Enzyme.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2008. | Permalink | 3 comments

Get in line.

- end of post -

Just kidding!

It’s obvious that there’s no one answer to these kinds of questions. It’s a search, an exploration… one that we all take once bitten by the “significance” bug. It’s a part of living an examined, awake life.

The trick is this: it’s one thing to search… and it’s another to stay sane as you do.

Discovering your purpose isn’t a race.

Instead of adopting the attitude of, “I’ve gotta find it NOW, so I can get going and make it happen!”, with a drive for perfection and a now-I-can-stop-searching-and-just-be-happy attitude, you’ll be far better off taking a page from the book of Japanese aesthetics, and more specifically, the concept of wabi-sabi.

What’s known to millions as a philosophy of "imperfection, impermanence, and incompletion" can keep you from ripping the hair from your head as you walk your walk. (and if you’re curious, mine is shaved, not ripped.)

So, with help from Leonard Koren’s book, Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers, let’s take a look at some of the principles of wabi-sabi, “a nature-based aesthetic paradigm that restores a measure of sanity and proportion to the art of living,” and how they relate to the search for meaning and purpose.

Slow it down

To experience wabi-sabi means you have to slow down, be patient and look very closely.

In the search for purpose and meaning, I’ve seen an agitated frenzy erupt in some people. “I’ve gotta find my purpose! I don’t know what to do without it!”, or, "I can’t believe I’m x years old, and don’t know what my purpose is yet!" But discovering and living one’s purpose isn’t a pop-a-pill-and-be-done, download-it-now experience.

Just like wabi-sabi, your purpose is something that isn’t jumps up, does a dance, and hollers in your face. It’s often times a glacial process, where bits and pieces get uncovered as you go.

Because sometimes, when you stare at something, you miss it.

Instead, slow down, relax, and get in tune with your self — not the self that takes its cues from the world around it, but the you that you are in the absence of external input. The you that yearns to express itself in its own unique way.

Pare it back

Pare down to the essence, but don’t remove the poetry.

Your purpose is most often simpler than you might think. It’s like a mission statement — the longer and more loquacious they are, the less they’re probably saying. Instead, seek simplicity, much like Guy Kawasaki talks about in reference to "making a mantra" in “Art of the Start” (you can download his manifesto which talks about this from ChangeThis). Rather than drone on endlessly about "adding value through optimized ventures and time-honored blah blah blah", the statement of your purpose can be simple and clear, like, “serving children,” or, “expressing uniqueness through design,” or, “creating beautiful moments.” Wabi-sabi speaks of the power of simplicity, and at its finest, so does your sense of purpose.

Simplicity is at the core of things wabi-sabi. The essence of wabi-sabi, as expressed in tea, is simplicity itself: fetch water, gather firewood, boil the water, prepare tea, and serve it to others.

Let it go

Wabi-sabi is exactly about the delicate balance between the pleasure we get from things and the pleasure we get from freedom from things.

If your search for meaning is about getting something tangible, think again. While knowing your purpose and working from it can result in a more successful business (clarity attracts, if you catch my drift), the main reward of inner lucidity isn’t material, it’s spiritual. Fulfillment, more than fame and fortune, is the pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

It’s your life, after all

Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.

You are a work in progress. Your work is a work in progress. And no matter how good it looks, or how much you convince other people (and yourself) that you’ve "got it all together," the simple truth is that you can’t. And the good news is, you aren’t meant to.

Rather than rail against the messiness that continuous learning precipitates (you mean I have to re-write this ‘About Me’ page again?”), you’ll do far better to accept that you are always evolving. As Soren Kierkegaard said, we are “constantly in the process of becoming.” He also said, “Be that self which one truly is.” (Maybe I need to do a post on ‘The Kierkegaard Search For Purpose’…)

At its core, wabi-sabi is, to me, about recognizing the beauty in what is, so you can step back and appreciate what you have all around you. Not a bad prescription, I think.

Images by suika*2008 (out) and d’n'c.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2008. | Permalink | 8 comments

And that’s the crux of it, right there. Why aren’t people lining up around the block for your service?

Maybe it’s because you aren’t giving them a compelling enough reason to.

If you’re unique, then why are you marketing yourself just like everyone else? Do you really think that just calling yourself a coach/trainer/designer/whatever-it-is-you-do is going to help you stand out from the rest of the vanilla, white-bread, snore-inducing coaches/trainers/designers/etc.?

It’s not a question of uniqueness. You are unique. Just ask a forensic scientist.

What makes or breaks the success of your marketing campaign (and thus, your business) is how clearly you can communicate what it is you do in a way that reflects your uniqueness. As Marty Neumeier, the author of Brand Gap says in his latest book, Zag: “When everybody zigs, zag.”

Now the question becomes, “Where to start?” Try these:

Nosce Te Ipsum

Of course, in order to communicate your uniqueness, you’ve got to get in touch with it first. And that takes introspection, self-awareness, and some serious soul-searching.

Nosce te ipsum (or Temet Nosce, for you Matrix fans) means, “know thyself.” And before you can be anything to anyone, you’ve got to be true to yourself, and working in the service of your own passions, strengths, conviction, values, and purpose.

And now, to take this a level deeper: The full version of the “nosce te ipsum” motto translates to:

Know thyself – and thou shall know all the mysteries of the gods and of the universe.

It’s one thing to get in touch with your own passion and purpose… and it’s a whole ‘nother thing to get in touch with a sense of the heavenly passion and deep, spiritual meaning that flows through your soul. You can’t think your way there, or infer your purpose based on personality traits or life events — you’ve got to connect your heart to the Oneness in all things, bask in the outpouring of Divine connection and flow, and feel what inspires your heart to act, and how to be, in perfect synchrony with the source of your innermost being.

How’s that for a to-do list item?

The Air To The Bird

Unless you’re gifted with a greater self-awareness than everyone else on the planet, you’re going to need support to see yourself the way that people outside your own head see you. As my favorite Hindu proverb states:

There are three mysteries in the world: the air to the bird, the water to the fish, and man to himself.

In other words, don’t try to do this alone; get help from close friends, mastermind partners, and those close to you whose only investment in this is for your highest growth (this isn’t the time to consult naysayers and fearmongerers, if you know what I mean).

Now, take your message out there, and broadcast it to the world. Because every business has a message. Is yours going to be heard?

Image by Wayne’s World 7

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 24 comments

With all these gazillions of blogs out there, it sure can seem like a lot of noise.

So, does the world need your blog?

If it’s a spam blog, the answer is clearly no.
If it’s a blog about your cat, well, good for you — but sharing with it anyone but your cat isn’t really necessary.
But if you write because of something that you have a passion about, then I’d say yes — the world needs your blog. Very much.

Why?

Because you are a shining star in the firmament of the universe.
You are a jewel like none other.
You are a rose in bloom, honeyed and resplendent.

Let me ask you something, honestly: Did you read that last bit, or did you skip over it? Did you really take it in, as if I was writing to you (yes, you), or did you brush it off as banality?

As Horton said, “I meant what I said, and I said what I meant; an elephant (ahem, monk) is faithful one hundred percent.” I really do mean it when I say that you are special, precious, and unique.

How can I say that, when I don’t even know who’s reading this?

Because I believe — not as an airy-fairy dream, but because I’ve seen it in everyone I’ve ever met — that you have a special purpose inside of you. You have a light burning inside you to share with the world. It’s your contribution, your precious gift, your offering to the world.

And the world needs that. We need your gift. We need your voice. When you share your passion and your purpose, letting yourself be moved by the stirrings of your deepest yearnings for life, joy, connectedness, and expression, then the world benefits from your contribution.

Just as a symphony wouldn’t be complete without the contribution of the violins, the world around you hasn’t experienced fullness until you’ve given what you have to give.

So, does the world need your blog?

If you’re just adding to the noise, then no, probably not.
But if you’re sharing the music inside you, then yes. A resounding, full, and overwhelming yes.

Image by MyklR.

And thanks to all those who commented on the two previous posts so far: Pixelhead, Wendy Piersall, Joanna Young, Dawud Miracle, EM Sky

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 31 comments