Want to know the reason? The way most people do it, it’s boring as hell.

Let me ask you this: are you strapping yourself onto the same machine as the day before, hitting the same buttons you did the day before, and doing the same workout you did the day before? And where did this workout come from?

I’ll bet you it came from one of these three sources:

• an article in a magazine,
• it’s what the person behind the desk showed you on your tour when you signed up, or
• it’s what everyone else is doing.

Most people copy others because they have no idea what to do, and figure that if it’s good for the gander, it’ll be good enough to get their goose in gear, too.

We progress when we learn...

The problem with this is obvious.

How many of the people on the elliptical machines at your gym look and perform the way you wish you could? Not many, at my gym.

At the gym I work out at, between two and ten people inhabit the ellipticals, treadmills, and step-bike-contraptions every morning… and then there’s me, over in the free weight area. Alone.

And you know how much better those two to ten people look today, compared to when I joined, a year and a half ago? None. Some even look worse.

But, I’ve lost 15 20 pounds, and I’m strong as two of my former selves put together. I barely recognize my own muscles in the mirror. Oh, I’m not going to win any contests, and I rarely even turn a head these days (blame it on being “follicularly challenged”, 38 years old, and not particularly broad-shouldered), but I’ll be damned if I don’t have muscles in places I never knew I could.

Now, am I particularly gifted? Special? Is my uncle Jack LaLanne or something? Heck no… I’m a reformed fat kid from a sedentary family who’s had to work at it all my life. But, I’ve got one thing that many people don’t display much of, at least when it comes to the gym: a willingness to learn.

You Gotta Keep On Stepping

I got fascinated by the human body, and what it’s capable of, when I was fifteen years old. Maybe it was because I resembled a human jello mold, and athletes are just so… athletic… but I was hooked. I read everything I could get a hold of in the pre-information age, which meant I read Arnold’s Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding from cover to cover three times a week.

I knew when I was 16 that I wanted to open a gym someday. I went to college, not really knowing what I was doing there, but lucky for me, UC San Diego had a small Physical Education department in those days, and I was able to squeak out a minor in PhysEd before the department got budget-cut. Somewhere along the line I talked myself out of the gym-ownership idea, but stayed active (after losing 35 pounds my senior year of high school, I bounced around a few collegiate sports, like water polo and rowing, and then played a few sports recreationally and exercised solo after that), and kept studying.

I took some amazing classes, read some amazing books, and tried some amazing (and not so amazing) workout routines, until finally landing on CrossFit.com in October of 2007. I’ve been glued to the CF community ever since, and I still feel like a rank beginner at times. (And yes, my goal of opening my own gym is back on. Look out, baby.)

To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping. — Chinese proverb 

Sheeple no more!

Bottom line: You’ve got to take responsibility for your progress, or lack thereof.

In any aspect of your life, be it fitness, business, relationships, or whatever, if you aren’t learning, you’re standing still. Now, if you’re happy with the level you’ve reached, that’s fine… but if you recognize that your journey isn’t over yet, then it’s time to get busy.

Whenever you think you’ve stopped learning, it’s all over; remember that! — James Fitzgerald, aka OPT

If there’s anything I want you to take away from this post, it’s this: You are capable of much more than you think you are. What does that mean, practically speaking? It means that if you aren’t happy with your bodyfat percentage, or your current vocation, or the way you speak to your kids, then do something about it!

Start reading. Subscribe to feeds, newsletters, and podcasts. Take a class. Interview someone who knows what you want to know (it has been my experience that most people are glad to share what they know, if you only ask). Volunteer.

And if you come up to me at the gym and ask me how to squat, I’ll grin wider than a giraffe and be happy to teach you. I guarantee it’ll be fun, as well as hard… although I’ll probably talk your ear off, too, about why the elliptical machine sucks, so be ready.

Image (of my friend Amie!) by greg westfall

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 8 comments

Now, don’t be afraid of fear—that’s a scary thought!—just learn to recognize it for what it is.

And now, on with our story.

The search for inner peace led John to a group of other like-minded people who also saught the same thing, all rallied around a teacher who demonstrated some very successful techniques to help his students find and experience that peace. As the group grew, the teacher realized that he must establish a “method”, so others could teach the work as well. After all, what good would it do unless a means could be identified? And so, this method became concretized, shared, and taught to many more seekers of peace.

John, who believed the methods and the community around it to be the best thing he’d ever seen, became a teacher of this system. He taught others the methods, used them himself, and his life got better.

But then, a shadow began to grow…

As the organization grew, John started to see a resistance to new input and ideas. The results of what was once an “open spirit of exploration” began to become doctrine. Legends began to permeate the group, telling of the brilliance—nay, the infallibility—of the leaders, and the miracles they performed on a regular basis. The method became dogma, and those who challenged it were outcast.

John began to become disillusioned with his teacher, the methods, and the organization. He saw brilliant, dedicated teachers ostracized because they spoke out in opposition to the leaders. He watched as the methods became stale, outdated, and both inflexible in their approach and limited in their application and efficacy.

And so, John left.

History has a way of repeating itself, doesn’t it?

After a time of introspection and idea gathering, John decided to follow a different life-long passion, changing professions and moving on with his life. He trained, he learned, and he worked, and he was happy.

Eventually he came across another community, steeped in the pursuit of the same passions as he, and once again he found himself feeling at home. But as John grew, developed his talents, and learned more, he began to hear stories of disgruntled members within the community that seemed to be having experiences that mirrored his past. John began to question his involvement in the community after seeing the same kinds of rigidity and fear creeping into the organization.

Too bad I’m not Mother Goose.

Now, wouldn’t it be nice if this were a fairy tale, with a beginning and an end, neatly tied up in a bow of clear-cut morals and easily deciphered lessons? Maybe it would. But life isn’t a storybook fable, and rarely are decisions as easy to make as they might appear. Black-and-white quickly turns to grey in the real world.

Like yours, the ending of John’s story isn’t yet written. He can’t see the end, doesn’t know how things will turn out, and can’t rely on a crystal ball, fairy godmother, or all-seeing wizard. He, like you, has to make decisions based on heart, head, and gut.

But he, like you, can choose how to respond to life’s events proactively rather than reactively, based on principles and decisions about how he wants to live his life.

Looking at the experiences of his life, and the examples of those leaders John sees around him, he comes to a few conclusions:

• when you become afraid to challenge the status quo, you stagnate.
• if you aren’t willing to sacrifice your conclusions in favor of new evidence that contradicts it, then you’ve stopped learning.
• resist the temptation to label those who express deviation as deviants.
• there is strength and safety in numbers… but there is also a greater propensity for delusion (aka “groupthink.”)

Charles Du Bos had it right when he said,

The important thing is this: To be ready at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become.

Because when your status, income, and success depend on you being what you’ve built, it’s scary to let it go. That fear drives irrational decisions.

However, another choice exists.

Look around you at examples of personal excellence. They may be a little less obvious, and thus a bit harder to find, than the grand commercial successes that so often get the publicity, but they’re there. They aren’t always mutually exclusive, of course, but the popular vote doesn’t always reward excellence (at least not right away).

Of course, these measures are largely subjective, because your criteria for excellence may be different than the next person’s, but since we’re talking about John, here , we’ll share the traits he feels are indicative of personal integrity:

• humility. (Confucius said, “Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues.”)
• willingness to abandon what you’ve known for what you know is right.
• an enduring quest for greater growth and understanding.

Rabindranath Tagore said it well:

Truth comes as conqueror only to those who have lost the art of receiving it as friend.

Because when you realize that your status, income, and success can also truly depend on what you stand for, it doesn’t make change any less scary, but it can make it liberating.

How to avoid the crumbling of your own empire

There’s a great analogy that I’m sure you’ve heard, which likens people to buses: Each of us has a number of personalities, emotions, and voices within us. What makes the difference in how we live is which one we let control us, i.e. “drive our bus.”

I said in the beginning that I believe fear to be the driving force behind every bad decision we ever make. That doesn’t make fear “bad”, of course; it’s a necessary part of who we are, and most of us wouldn’t survive long without it. Just don’t let it drive the bus when it shouldn’t be.

When fear drives the bus, we lose perspective. Input we should be open to gets shut out, and we get rigid and inflexible in our thinking, if not more.

So, when something comes along that gets your knickers up in knots, ask yourself, “Is it my fear that is creating this situation, or is this a genuine threat?” And if you’re having a hard time figuring it out, see if you can discern what your reasoning is telling you is at stake. If you “give in”, what does it mean for you? Loss of face? More work? Or something real?

Growing something—anything—is a process that will take you and your beliefs to task more than you’d expect. But, if you can remain true to the values you started with, even in the face of your greatest demons, you can far exceed your wildest expectations, and be proud of what you accomplish.

Image by h.koppdelaney.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 4 comments

As Autumn approaches, so do my urges to clean house

And as much as “cleaning” has been associated with the Spring, I tend to do a big cleanup and realignment of priorities in the Autumn. Maybe it’s the product of going to school every Fall from age 5 to 35 (K-college, then grad school and teaching seminars). Or maybe I’m getting ready for hibernation; who knows.

On my docket now are reviews of two products I’ve promised to do, but let slide in the face of busy-ness and upheaval. That’s not to diminish the value of the products, by any means; I thought they were great, each in their own way, and in their own intended use. (Okay, enough jabbering – on with the show!)

The Shadow Effect

Thanks to CK Reyes and Michelle Vandepas at Conscious Livelihood, I got a copy of Debbie Ford’s The Shadow Effect, which I was excited to see because even though I’d heard many good things about Debbie and her work over the years, I’ve never really had the chance to see her approach to healing up close. (For those of you who don’t know it, I was an energetic healer and intuitive for over ten years.)

The Shadow Effect is the video I wish I had when I was working as a healer. Debbie takes a very “normal people” approach when she explains how our inner voices and patterns, despite our best intentions, can slow us down and sabotage our progress in all sorts of ways. To be honest, I was afraid this would be an overly New-Agey production, but it was something I could show my parents, and they’d get it completely. And that’s the ultimate litmus test, isn’t it?

If you aren\'t seeing the embedded video, click here to view.

The amazing thing about the movie is not just the celebs that appear (from Deepak Chopra to Marianne Williamson), or the exceptional production quality, or the normal-ness of the language and processes used to get inside your own head and debug your life. What blew me away was that they have made a “Special Interactive Edition” of the movie that, much like The Secret, covers all the groundwork you need to understand what they’re saying… and a second version that’s filled with guided processes and exercises that take it from conceptual to experiential and practical. The second DVD is a full 40 minutes longer than the first, and walks you step-by-step through the same kinds of awareness-based healing techniques I learned when I went to my healing school.

I admit, I was pretty nervous when I heard the title, “The Shadow Effect”, because I thought it would be all about embracing the darkness within, and using its power to feel strong (yes, I’ve seen people out there doing that work, and way worse). Luckily, it wasn’t like that at all. Instead, it gently shows how our “shadows”—the parts of us we’ve been told aren’t valuable, or wanted, and yet still exist within us—shouldn’t be feared or pushed away, because they hold the key to a much greater understanding and acceptance of who we are. And, as we are able to come to terms with the experiences we’ve had and how they’ve shaped us, a whole new world of possibility opens up.

In short, if you’re someone who is just getting started on your personal growth journey, or is interested in learning more about how to deal with your own issues that you know have been tripping you up in your life, then I recommend you check out The Shadow Effect, because it was made for you.

The Shadow Effect is available in DVD format, as well as a watch-it-online format, but I’d recommend getting the Special Interactive Edition, for all the reasons I mentioned above.

Or, You Can F#@% Therapy

On the other end of the spectrum is an e-book called F#@% Therapy, which is perfect for people who are either skeptical of all the self-appointed gurus they see on Twitter these days, or just want a no-nonsense approach to living a better life, without all the fluff.

Covering a whole slew of topics from clutter to procrastination to “keeping up with the Joneses”, as well as the programming we’ve had drummed into us since we were kids, F#@% Therapy is an approach that’s actually more soft and gentle than you’d think, given the title (once you’ve become desensitized to the F-bombs, that is).

If you aren\'t seeing the embedded video, click here to view.

Again, I was surprised by what I found inside, because based on the title, who knows what to expect? In the author’s own words,

F#@% Therapy isn’t for everyone–it’s for the people that’d never ever read a self help book.

At the same time, though, I wouldn’t discourage folks like me who’ve been around personal development for years, and are tired of the fru-fru, woo-woo bull**** that’s waaay too prevalent these days, from getting their hands on a copy and taking a look.

Because there’s a lot out there on the interwebs these days that requires you to adopt an entire philosophy in and of itself, or commit to a monster-sized program just to see results (much the way GTD can feel for newcomers to the productivity world). But it can get exhausting to continually adopt new entire paradigms just to get stuff done.

I see F#@% Therapy as a wake-up call to all the garbage, over-thought, for-the-sake-of-itself drivel in the self-help market these days. It’s a straightforward approach that doesn’t claim to be anything other than what it is, and in that way, it’s refreshing.

So, what kind of cleaning up do you have to do?

If you’ve been feeling a need for greater self-exploration, or doing some internal house-cleaning, then these just might be some possibilities you’d like to look more into.

Image by moogs.
Disclosure: There are affiliate links in this post, not all of which are mine. Use ‘em, or not, I don’t mind either way. Be free!

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments

Do you have a goal? Professional, personal, or otherwise? I bet you do, whether it’s to get a certain number of clients per month, to stop eating grains, or to learn to juggle.

Now, let me guess: You’ve got a system worked out to get you there, don’t you? You’re going to attend networking meetings, write blog posts, and update your LinkedIn profile. You’re going to only eat at home so you can control your meals, and throw all your old grains into the compost heap. You’re going to watch that Juggling For Fools video, and practice your juggling fifteen minutes every night after dinner.

No matter what the goal is, you’ve got a system, I’m sure. How am I so sure? Because systems are said to be the key to achieving everything these days. Just think about productivity… there’s GTD , ZTD , and Hipster PDA’s; Blackberries, Franklin Planners, and 37 Signals. What’s best? That’s like asking, “What’s the best kind of music?” It all depends on you, what you’re doing, and what works for you.

The point, in any instance, is not what system you use… it’s that you stick with it.

If you’ve dabbled in productivity systems for any length of time, you know what I’m saying is true, because everyone has discovered, researched, and spent time on setting up some kind of system, only to have the thing gather dust and fall by the wayside.

It’s your ability to remain disciplined, regardless of what life throws at you, that determines your success. Or, as Vince Lombardi said, “Inches make champions.” When life gives you lemons, do you see the lemonade-creation process through? Or do you say, “Oh, it wasn’t convenient for me,” or, “I lost my passion for it,” or, “Evidently, that was the Universe’s way of telling me I shouldn’t be doing that.” ?

Forget the Common Approach

What’s the common approach to discipline? “Okay, let me set this up so everything’s perfect and ideal, and I’ll control all the variables and get. this. done!” You think that if you make your day run like clockwork, you’ll achieve your goals. But sadly, this isn’t practical, feasible, or even advisable.

Tanya Wagner, winner of the 2009 CrossFit Games, and 2nd place finisher in 2008, wrote about her training philosophy recently:

I think varying training days, times, and physical conditions really works for me and really seemed to help me for the Games. I can be mental at times, and always used to be very methodical with soccer in high school and in college. My training had to be precise and my warm up was identical before every game or I’d mentally be out of it. When I think about it now, that approach used to hurt me to a degree. I like how CrossFit has helped me to not have any excuses and has made me more disciplined mentally.

If you need stability and normalcy to experience discipline, are you really disciplined? Or just good at control? What I love about Tanya’s experience is that even when circumstances weren’t what she wanted them to be, she still achieved her goal by giving it everything she had – not to control it, but to show up fully in any and every situation.

The point is not to control your environment, it’s to control your attitude. Mix things up from time to time, and see how you do. If you’re used to planning your days to the minute, then make one day a week completely unstructured, and see if you can still get a priority task done. If you tend to fly by the seat of your pants all the time, then see what happens if you hold yourself to a schedule at least once a week. Can you still hold yourself to your goals, even when outside circumstances aren’t absolutely agreeable?

This works in all kinds of areas, by the way…

• Nutrition: If you plan your meals out religiously, then give yourself a week of whipping together what you can, when you can. I’m not saying eat junk, obviously, just see if you can still eat well without the control. Perhaps have your spouse/friends make a few meals, and see how you do. Can you stick to your plan, even when presented with less than optimal choices?
• Exercise: In a rut? Doing the same thing over and over? Get thee to a CrossFit gym, and see what they can do for you (trust me). Can you stick with it, even when it’s uncomfortable? (And if you’re a CrossFitter already, then experiment with MEBB, CFSB, or check out Catalyst Athletics’ workouts.)
• Leisure: Do you tend to pick the same activities week in, week out? Movies, television, walks in the park, etc.? Mix it up, then! Go to a funky live music venue you’ve never been to before, check out neighborhoods near you you’ve never been in, read books in genres you’ve ignored. Talk to strangers at coffee houses, volunteer at a soup kitchen, or go out and get your hands in the earth by planting a tree or tending a garden. Can you still relax and have a good time?

Discipline isn’t about regimens, controlling your environment, or being anal about having things your way. It’s about following through, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. It’s about keeping your eyes on the prize, and toughing it out. It’s about digging deep in yourself to remain committed to your goal, no matter what life throws at you. (And yeah, few people like hard work. That’s why success isn’t as commonplace as it should be.)

Not eating the french fries is easy when you’re at home, but can you leave them on your plate at the restaurant? Not watching TV is easy when the cable’s out. And not wasting your day on Twitter is easy when the Fail Whale is running the show.

It’s inconveniencing yourself when life’s making everything convenient that shows you what you’re made of. That’s how you make your systems work. That’s how you achieve goals. That’s how you win championships.

Image by Susanica.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | No comment

I’ve been meaning to write a post about it, just so you all know I haven’t fallen off the wagon completely… But then Fabeku beat me to it. Brilliantly.

Of course, our histories are different. And each of us has our preferences, and brings to it what we do. But all the reasons Fabeku speaks about as to why he chants… how it rejuvenates him, how it cleans him out and fills him up… he could’ve been channeling me, there.

Why it matters

So I chant. Fabeku chants. Big whoop, right? Well, as I’ve been a fan of saying for some time now, when it comes to spiritual practices,

It doesn’t matter so much what you do… but it matters a ton why you do it.

I stopped working as a healer a over year ago now. I was talking about this with my wife the other night, and I told her that one of the big reasons why was because I felt dry. I didn’t feel I had anything left to give… I just couldn’t be there for my clients the way I could before. And to be honest, I was never completely satisfied with my answer as to why that was.

I chalked it up to the thought that I had been doing it for too long. Or that I was having doubts about my spiritual path, and that was the reason. Or that I had this, or that, or whatever. But now I see pretty clearly that the reason I burned out was because I wasn’t replenishing my reserves. I was running on fumes, and didn’t have anything left in the tank to give, because I had lost my connection to the divine flow that all my juice was coming from.

But, I know my story. What’s yours? And will you know before you burn out?

The point is this: You had better have a way to tap into whatever gives you juice, long before you give it all away. No matter what your line of work is, you expend energy when you do it. When you give to others, it’s gotta be coming from somewhere. I’m not saying that the work itself can’t be partially rejuvenating; it often is (I hope it is, otherwise you probably aren’t having much fun doing it…). And I’m not taking a “scarcity mindset” here, either, and saying that you’re automatically in trouble. There’s more than enough for everyone to drink, all the time.

What I am saying is that everyone who gives is tapped into a source, whether it’s conscious or not.

My advice is to get to know what fills up your tank. Really well. Really consciously. And not just what you do to take a break—taking a break isn’t filling you up, it’s just slowing down the rate at which you’re emptying the tank.

Chant seems to do it for me. What does it for you?

Image by metal-armz

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 8 comments

Why? Because, the logic goes, when you are feeling grateful for something, you’re in a state of appreciation and happiness, which begets a greater state of happiness. The more you get accustomed to feeling good about what you have, the more you get to feel good about, and the more good you feel about what you have, and so on… it’s an ever-growing spiral.

But what if gratitude brings you down?

I have to admit, I used to resist gratitude in a huge way. Not because I have anything against showing appreciation, but because whenever I’d do a practice involving gratitude, I ended up feeling small and unhappy, which is the opposite of what it was supposed to do for me.

Not cool, I thought. Not cool.

But, being the ever-curious guy that I am, I decided to probe a bit deeper into why I was feeling this way, wondering if I could find a way to an effortless, empowering gratitude practice, and away from the depressing version I’d been practicing. So, like I used to do with my healing clients, I watched myself while I expressed my gratitude to see what the problem was.

And right away, I realized that there wasn’t a problem. There were two.

One Problem Was Shame

Sometimes, situations in your life can link negative feelings to something otherwise positive, such as gratitude. When that happens, it can cause feelings of contraction even when, for most people, the same situation would cause feelings of expansion.

My habitual way of cultivating gratitude—and I’m guessing this is pretty common—was to think of something in my life that I was thankful for, and then, just like we’re taught when we’re kids, to thank someone for it.

But remember when you were a kid and you got a gift from someone? There you are, staring down at your brand new Lego castle, or shiny new stuffed animal, and you’re just thrilled. You’re thinking about all the fun you’ll have with your new toy, and your parents, mortified that you might grow up to be socially uncouth someday, jump on your back and say, “What do you say, huh?”

You look at them, steeped in shame, and whimper, “Thank you.”

What a bummer, huh? You’re just jazzed about what life just brought you, and you get shamed into muttering a ‘thanks’ when you aren’t really up for it. Now you feel like a loser for not saying it without being hounded. And so receiving a gift and feeling great about it has now been linked to feelings of shame. How wonderful.

That was my experience to a ‘T’. As soon as I felt gratitude, I felt shame along with it. I felt that I wasn’t good enough for what I’d received. Talk about shutting down the fun factory!

The Other was the Other

I also realized that in addition to the shame piece, my efforts at gratitude were at odds with my spiritual beliefs. Not as if I was saying, “We don’t do gratitude around here,” in the same way some folks don’t believe in vaccinations, reincarnation, or going outside without your head covered.

I’m talking about an incongruity in the sense of not-being-aligned-with-my-experience-of-Oneness. My experience of the Divine has taught me to believe that the Oneness permeates everything in (and out) of creation, and therefore, in the deepest sense of things, there is no “outside”, and no “other”. And, therefore, the idea of thanking something “outside of me” for bringing me something, as if I couldn’t have obtained it otherwise, was really, really stifling.

This ego-centric, disembodied concept of God was really putting a kink in my chances to experience true gratitude, because every time I tried to feel good about something in my life, I reverted to feeling tiny, insignificant, and separate from All That Is. Bummer, huh?

So, in short, the practice of gratitude became a shame-inducing exercise in smallness. Rrrrrrrt! Hit the brakes!

Redefining Gratitude

If you’ve got roadblocks in the way of tapping into feelings of thankfulness and gratitude, it can seriously hamper your efforts to move forward in your life, not to mention put a halt on the growth of your business. I mean, what kind of signal does it send when a taste of success comes your way, and instead of appreciating it, you feel shameful and less than deserving? Geez!

So if you know—or suspect—that this is the case for you, here’s what I recommend:

• Take a moment to quiet your mind, and step into the process of expressing gratitude (if you need a cue for that, try thinking about something in your life you like, and simply say, “thanks.”). Notice what happens inside you, emotionally speaking, and with your thoughts.
• Take whatever bizarre thoughts, painful memories, or incongruous emotions come to the surface and apply your favorite healing technique (mine, EFT, whatever).
• Watch and see what happens to your feelings and thoughts about gratitude.
• And once you feel a good degree of resolution from the past, start visualizing how you’d like gratitude to work for you. You can ask yourself, “If I were to have a practice of gratitude that fit entirely with my beliefs and were to bring me incredible peace, energy, and joy, what would it be?

My new practice allows me to experience a profound state of gratitude and appreciation for everything in my life, and it rekindles the sense of intrinsic connection and flow I share with the Oneness, in a taoist-like sense. It’s empowering and paradigm-changing, and I’m really grateful for it.

And that’s the great thing about this: no matter where you’re coming from, no matter what hand life has dealt you, you can create a new practice, a new relationship, to gratitude that is healthy, positive, and empowering.

And that is something to be grateful for.

Image by >lonushi.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 18 comments

Now, you’ve no doubt seen this question circulating amongst the well-intentioned, self-help best-seller bookshelves’ residents for years. It’s pulled out time and again as the ultimate refiner of focus, the samurai sword of the cut-through-the-fluff-ers’ arsenal, the go-to tool of the productivity heroes’ utility belts. Ready?

If you only had six months to live, what would you do right now?

Ta da! Answer that question, and all your troubles will be solved, right?

Well…

Answer that question, yes.

Like Leo says—and I agree with him completely—it can be a great reminder when the minutiae of life starts sucking you down like quicksand. It’s a great question for the moments when you get so fixated on busy-work that you’ve lost sight of what matters to you. It’s also a great question to keep in mind as you’re establishing your life’s priorities and goals, and writing New Year’s Resolutions (assuming anyone still does that anymore), and vacation planning (New Jersey, or Bali? Hmm…).

But, don’t use it when you should be asking something else.

When it comes to planning the vision of your company, this is perhaps the last question you should be asking. Unfortunately, it’s often pulled out in circumstances like this, because it’s seen as the end-all, be-all question. But it’s no Leatherman question, believe me. Why not?

Because this question gives you a view of your life that’s illusionary.

What, are you saying we’re going to live forever? No, silly… at least not physically.

But chances are pretty good that you’re going to be here longer than that… and you’d better plan for it.

If you were only going to live another six months, and knew it ahead of time, do you think you’d be solely concerned with the actions of your business? Hardly. You’d be looking at ways to get in as much family time, quality time, and personal time as possible. You’d be spending your time connecting with the people in your life that matter to you, getting your affairs in order, and maybe slipping in a few once-in-a-lifetime activities. I know I would.

What I wouldn’t be doing is revising my Facebook profile, blogging, twittering (much ), and I darn sure wouldn’t be redesigning my dream website.

Assuming, though, that you are going to be around longer, your questions change considerably. Ask yourself, instead, “If I was going to live another 40, 50, or 60 years, what would I be doing?”

Your answers change, don’t they. They probably change a lot.

Instead of thinking, “Skysurfing over Cozumel,” now you’re thinking, “Change the so-and-so industry,” or, “Expand my business internationally,” or, “Make a difference in the lives of every child in Ghana.” Not that it has to be ultra-grandiose, either… you could be thinking, “Grow my business to where I can sell it/retire in enough time to enjoy my grandkids.” Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what you come up with.

What matters is that you’re thinking about your life, not your endgame.

The problem I have with the six-months-to-live question is that it tends to obliterate the more common reality that you’re going to be here a while. You’ve got a chance to make an impact, in whatever way that matters to you. You’ve got a chance to make something of your self, your life, and your contribution to others.

The balance, of course, is to live for the moment at the same time you’re living for seven generations. Both perspectives are vital, and they aren’t mutually exclusive. You can do amazing things in the time you have, and have amazing times in the things you do. It takes focus, of course… and it also takes a realist’s eye to see where and how to apply it.

So…

If you only have forty years to live, what would you do right now?

Maybe you’d start taking your business more seriously. Maybe you’d take your health more seriously, or think a bit more about the person you share a bed with — or want to. Maybe you’d think of better ways to invest in your relationship with your kids.

Maybe you’d start reaching out and connecting with people more. Maybe you’d revise your Facebook profile, blog about something you love, start twittering (a lot ), and for darn sure, it’d be a good idea to start redesigning your dream website.

Is the ‘six month’ question useless?

Heavens, no. Overused? Probably. But still useful, in the right context, along with the other questions that take into account the much more likely scenario.

The question is, what would you do? Think about both questions, “six months” and “forty years”, and post your first thoughts to the comments, would you? I think it would be really helpful to see what others come up with.

Image by Rickydavid.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 12 comments

But being the between-the-lines kinda guy that I am, I wanted to answer the question not with three answers, but with one. And so naturally, my answer was “CrossFit.”

Now, I never would have answered that question with any other fitness/exercise/sport that I’ve done (except maybe Nomadics), and I’ve done tons: intercollegiate rowing, yoga (bikram’s, ashtanga, hatha), triathlons, tai chi, full-contact martial arts, bodybuilding, you name it. Why?

Because you’ve got to embrace the suck.

Jon Gilson of Again Faster says it excellently in this must-read article:

When the knurling scrapes your shins, and your traps bunch into knots, you’ll make a decision, one that will affect every aspect of your life. Give in to the agony, and you will always give in. Cave to demands that crush you, and you’ll always cave. Roll to the floor, and you’ll always exist beneath those who choose to stand.

In order to make it through gruesome ordeals, you have to find a place in yourself that wants to overcome. Rising up to meet a challenge, toughing it out when high tide comes your way, and gritting your teeth and not giving up are the price of admission to success.

When you dig deep and muster up a performance that you weren’t sure you had in you, that teaches you something. It teaches you that you are strong, that you can withstand Shakespeare’s “slings and arrows”, and that your character, being what it is, is sufficient to the task.

“Embracing the suck,” then, is the hallmark of a champion. If you can look at a challenge, know it’s going to bite you in the ass, and still get yourself up to the starting line, then you’re playing the game for real.

You may not like it, but it’s true.

I know this may not sit well in today’s personal growth culture, where you can’t take a strong stance without the words compassion! and empathy! being hissed at you like you’re a demonic drill sergeant, just waiting to pound anything soft within range into cold, hard submission.

Now, before you write me off as a heartless bastard, know that I fully understand the roles of compassion, empathy, and proper timing. Too much, too fast, and you’ll burn out your engine, whether it’s your physical engine or your spiritual one. There are times when pushing means pushing too hard, and you do need to back off and give yourself a break.

But if you’re always giving yourself a break, and don’t have a mechanism in place that will take you past your comfort zones, you’ll never grow. And in my estimation, that would be worse than having never pushed too far.

It doesn’t have to be CrossFit, of course.

I’m not saying CrossFit is the only way. I’m not saying the path of the heart doesn’t have a thousand manifestations. And I’m not saying that there’s any one way to truth.

I am saying, though, that you have to find a way to go beyond who you’ve been. And in the rounded-corner world that most of us live in, there are precious few opportunities to see the kind of person you are, and forge yourself into something more.

And personally, I happen to love physical exercise. I love the movement of muscle and bone, the expression of intention through physical activity, and the grace and poise that athletics can bring to its devotees. Maybe it’s because I grew up overweight and sedentary for so many years that I’ve come to appreciate the joy of feeling my body do what it can. I don’t need to ruminate on it anymore, honestly, trying to find a concise “why”; it’s a joyous, happy part of my life, one that I’m immensely grateful for.

Again, from Jon Gilson’s article,

Remember that the walls of the gym are nothing more than physical barriers, meant only to separate us from the elements. What you do within those walls will echo in your daily life, and you would do well to choose your actions wisely.

And that’s just it, isn’t it?

What you do in one area of your life echoes through the rest of it, doesn’t it? You can’t compartmentalize anything. It all plays together, it all makes a difference, and it all matters.

How you rest is how you eat is how you work is how you dream is how you love. What you bring to one, you bring to another.

Image by Malingering.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 5 comments

Why, in seemingly every tradition, are there ritual practices?

Because rituals work, that’s why. They work through repetition; through continual practice, the attentive mind learns the steps until they are memorized. Once the mind’s focus is no longer needed to complete the ritual, it goes on “auto-pilot”, and the adept can repeat the ritual and focus the mind deeper, awakening the heart/soul/whatever (depends on the ritual, of course). This allows for a much deeper level of presence to be had, transforming the result of the ritual, and the mind of the practitioner.

Or, as my martial arts teacher would say, “First, the mind teaches the body what to do. Then, the body refines the movement, teaching the mind how it wants to move. Finally, body and mind are united as one.” He also said that once you performed an action 10,000 times, you had it mastered.

Clearly, rituals rock. In disciplines such as spirituality, or martial arts, that’s a no-duh statement. But what about in your work day? Do you have rituals?

If you answered no, allow me to differ. Uh, email? Twitter? Checking your voice mail?

And those are just the ubiquitous ones… depending on what line of work you’re in, you’ve probably got a bunch more. Here are some of mine:

• Health: CrossFit, 4-5 days a week. And if you think CrossFit doesn’t count as a ritual, you don’t know CrossFitters! We check the Workout of the Day (WOD) religiously, the star-performers of CrossFit are like heroes, and we read the CrossFit Journal like it’s a holy text. Trust me; don’t get in between a CrossFitter and his/her workout.
• Personal Growth: I have a set of practices I do regularly designed to enhance my sense of connection, develop my focus, and keep me moving towards the future I envision. These include gratitude, visualization, self-healing, and more (I’ll be sharing more about this as time goes on, in case anyone’s curious…).
• Business: I write, tweet, and email, like many do. I also regularly search for web design and development knowledge, reading feeds of favorite designers and design compendiums, investigating WordPress plugins and theme developments, etc.

There are more, of course, but you get the idea.

In my mind, these all qualify as rituals, because the more I do them, the more aware I am of the effects of the practice themselves, and the more I transform as a person through doing them (yes, even through Twitter). They make me better at what I do, of course… but it would be easy to do any of these and not get the same benefits.

What makes the difference? Intention. Have the intention to carry your focus and presence deeper as you do your daily rituals, and see what happens. If you’ve never thought of your work as potential for ritual before, take a moment and reflect on your day… where does this idea of ritual make perfect sense?

Some days are just meh.

Of course, some days you’re on, and some days you aren’t. Some days, email is just email. Meditation is just sitting there. Chanting is just mindless blather. After all, I’m no Master Oogway, either.

But that’s not a deficiency in the ritual, it’s a lack of intention and presence. Any regular activity can be transformed into ritual with the proper mindset.

So, if you notice yourself out of the groove one day, you’ve got a choice: Hop back up into the saddle, or let it go, and just be where you’re at (that’s called ‘acceptance’). There’s always another day.

What rituals do you use?

Image by moriza.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 9 comments

Not really. It means I’m smart. Yay for me. But it also means I’m a perfectionist out the wazoo, so all these great ideas I have? All the amazing connections I see between things? All the creative impulses I have? They ride on the backs of turtles, past huge guardians of Quality Control, on their slow march towards freedom. It’s a wonder you’re even reading this. But who knows, you might not – I might edit this before I publish it.

I’m not alone, I know this.

You’re probably a perfectionist, too. And if you aren’t, you’ve probably got enough of an internal censor to grasp what I’m saying, even though you may not be bleeding in the trenches with the rest of us. If that’s you, well, good on ya; pass the gauze, will you?

Perfectionism, in its most beautiful out-picturing, is a valiant effort to maintain a degree of quality that you feel the world deserves. It’s a beautiful place, this world of ours, and dadgum, if you’re going to contribute something to it, it should be as beautiful as the rest, right? “Quality is job #1″, and all that. What a wonderful intention!

Perfectionism, unfortunately, also has a downside. When it’s ugly, it’s really not much more than fear of judgment projected outwards. You fear judgment, so you edit and polish and edit some more until either the thing shines, or withers away to nothingness, with no more substance than those dry, crackly vanilla wafer cookie things they sell at Quickie-Marts.

The bummer, then, is that all too often, your brilliance never gets shared with others. It stays hidden, behind the censors of your fear and doubt, until it dies of loneliness and boredom.

The bigger bummer is that the stuff that does go out tends to have two (okay, three) kinds of reception:

1. Either people love it… which makes your censors now tell you you have an even higher level of quality to live up to, or
2. People love it, but they miss the humanity in it. Because you’ve done them the unfortunate disservice of removing so much of you, so much of your process from it, that they miss out on the learning of what you, as a human being, actually went through to create it. Which, most likely, is 90% of what they’re thirsty for.
3. People hate it. But y’know what? Everybody hates something, and somebody hates everything. You can’t win ‘em all; you can only die trying. If somebody hates it, move on. If you use failure to beat yourself up, you’re only helping the censors.

I’m perfectly aware that this post may be loved. And if it is, great. That’s not why I’m writing it, but great. I’m writing it to help, in case there are others like me out there.

And, you may also think it sucks cheese. If you do, go ahead, unsubscribe, click away, or act like a troll in the comment box. It’ll only save me the pressure of feeling I have to perform better next time.

Because whether you like it or not, I’m here to stay.

And that’s what you need to tell your censors, too. You’re here to stay. The part of you that wants to share, to connect, to help, to give — it’s not going away based on the judgments of others, nor because of the rude comments your censors make. You’ve got a voice, and by god, you’re going to use it (no pressure, mind you).

So do it, whatever it is: Write it. Play it. Create it. Design it. Sing it. Build it. Get it out there. Sound that barbaric yawp of yours to the world, brothers and sisters.

Why? Because we need it. We need it so we can shut our own censors up long enough for us to give what we’ve got to give. Because the gems of greatness exist within us, but they need practice to develop, and room to breathe. Because when it comes down to it, even the stuff that most people would call semi-decent can be the catalyst for one person’s dramatic, life-changing epiphany.

So be the example of bravery for someone else. Create, so someone else will, too.

Image by Infinity Rain.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 22 comments