Why? Because, the logic goes, when you are feeling grateful for something, you’re in a state of appreciation and happiness, which begets a greater state of happiness. The more you get accustomed to feeling good about what you have, the more you get to feel good about, and the more good you feel about what you have, and so on… it’s an ever-growing spiral.

But what if gratitude brings you down?

I have to admit, I used to resist gratitude in a huge way. Not because I have anything against showing appreciation, but because whenever I’d do a practice involving gratitude, I ended up feeling small and unhappy, which is the opposite of what it was supposed to do for me.

Not cool, I thought. Not cool.

But, being the ever-curious guy that I am, I decided to probe a bit deeper into why I was feeling this way, wondering if I could find a way to an effortless, empowering gratitude practice, and away from the depressing version I’d been practicing. So, like I used to do with my healing clients, I watched myself while I expressed my gratitude to see what the problem was.

And right away, I realized that there wasn’t a problem. There were two.

One Problem Was Shame

Sometimes, situations in your life can link negative feelings to something otherwise positive, such as gratitude. When that happens, it can cause feelings of contraction even when, for most people, the same situation would cause feelings of expansion.

My habitual way of cultivating gratitude—and I’m guessing this is pretty common—was to think of something in my life that I was thankful for, and then, just like we’re taught when we’re kids, to thank someone for it.

But remember when you were a kid and you got a gift from someone? There you are, staring down at your brand new Lego castle, or shiny new stuffed animal, and you’re just thrilled. You’re thinking about all the fun you’ll have with your new toy, and your parents, mortified that you might grow up to be socially uncouth someday, jump on your back and say, “What do you say, huh?”

You look at them, steeped in shame, and whimper, “Thank you.”

What a bummer, huh? You’re just jazzed about what life just brought you, and you get shamed into muttering a ‘thanks’ when you aren’t really up for it. Now you feel like a loser for not saying it without being hounded. And so receiving a gift and feeling great about it has now been linked to feelings of shame. How wonderful.

That was my experience to a ‘T’. As soon as I felt gratitude, I felt shame along with it. I felt that I wasn’t good enough for what I’d received. Talk about shutting down the fun factory!

The Other was the Other

I also realized that in addition to the shame piece, my efforts at gratitude were at odds with my spiritual beliefs. Not as if I was saying, “We don’t do gratitude around here,” in the same way some folks don’t believe in vaccinations, reincarnation, or going outside without your head covered.

I’m talking about an incongruity in the sense of not-being-aligned-with-my-experience-of-Oneness. My experience of the Divine has taught me to believe that the Oneness permeates everything in (and out) of creation, and therefore, in the deepest sense of things, there is no “outside”, and no “other”. And, therefore, the idea of thanking something “outside of me” for bringing me something, as if I couldn’t have obtained it otherwise, was really, really stifling.

This ego-centric, disembodied concept of God was really putting a kink in my chances to experience true gratitude, because every time I tried to feel good about something in my life, I reverted to feeling tiny, insignificant, and separate from All That Is. Bummer, huh?

So, in short, the practice of gratitude became a shame-inducing exercise in smallness. Rrrrrrrt! Hit the brakes!

Redefining Gratitude

If you’ve got roadblocks in the way of tapping into feelings of thankfulness and gratitude, it can seriously hamper your efforts to move forward in your life, not to mention put a halt on the growth of your business. I mean, what kind of signal does it send when a taste of success comes your way, and instead of appreciating it, you feel shameful and less than deserving? Geez!

So if you know—or suspect—that this is the case for you, here’s what I recommend:

• Take a moment to quiet your mind, and step into the process of expressing gratitude (if you need a cue for that, try thinking about something in your life you like, and simply say, “thanks.”). Notice what happens inside you, emotionally speaking, and with your thoughts.
• Take whatever bizarre thoughts, painful memories, or incongruous emotions come to the surface and apply your favorite healing technique (mine, EFT, whatever).
• Watch and see what happens to your feelings and thoughts about gratitude.
• And once you feel a good degree of resolution from the past, start visualizing how you’d like gratitude to work for you. You can ask yourself, “If I were to have a practice of gratitude that fit entirely with my beliefs and were to bring me incredible peace, energy, and joy, what would it be?

My new practice allows me to experience a profound state of gratitude and appreciation for everything in my life, and it rekindles the sense of intrinsic connection and flow I share with the Oneness, in a taoist-like sense. It’s empowering and paradigm-changing, and I’m really grateful for it.

And that’s the great thing about this: no matter where you’re coming from, no matter what hand life has dealt you, you can create a new practice, a new relationship, to gratitude that is healthy, positive, and empowering.

And that is something to be grateful for.

Image by >lonushi.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 18 comments

Why, in seemingly every tradition, are there ritual practices?

Because rituals work, that’s why. They work through repetition; through continual practice, the attentive mind learns the steps until they are memorized. Once the mind’s focus is no longer needed to complete the ritual, it goes on “auto-pilot”, and the adept can repeat the ritual and focus the mind deeper, awakening the heart/soul/whatever (depends on the ritual, of course). This allows for a much deeper level of presence to be had, transforming the result of the ritual, and the mind of the practitioner.

Or, as my martial arts teacher would say, “First, the mind teaches the body what to do. Then, the body refines the movement, teaching the mind how it wants to move. Finally, body and mind are united as one.” He also said that once you performed an action 10,000 times, you had it mastered.

Clearly, rituals rock. In disciplines such as spirituality, or martial arts, that’s a no-duh statement. But what about in your work day? Do you have rituals?

If you answered no, allow me to differ. Uh, email? Twitter? Checking your voice mail?

And those are just the ubiquitous ones… depending on what line of work you’re in, you’ve probably got a bunch more. Here are some of mine:

• Health: CrossFit, 4-5 days a week. And if you think CrossFit doesn’t count as a ritual, you don’t know CrossFitters! We check the Workout of the Day (WOD) religiously, the star-performers of CrossFit are like heroes, and we read the CrossFit Journal like it’s a holy text. Trust me; don’t get in between a CrossFitter and his/her workout.
• Personal Growth: I have a set of practices I do regularly designed to enhance my sense of connection, develop my focus, and keep me moving towards the future I envision. These include gratitude, visualization, self-healing, and more (I’ll be sharing more about this as time goes on, in case anyone’s curious…).
• Business: I write, tweet, and email, like many do. I also regularly search for web design and development knowledge, reading feeds of favorite designers and design compendiums, investigating WordPress plugins and theme developments, etc.

There are more, of course, but you get the idea.

In my mind, these all qualify as rituals, because the more I do them, the more aware I am of the effects of the practice themselves, and the more I transform as a person through doing them (yes, even through Twitter). They make me better at what I do, of course… but it would be easy to do any of these and not get the same benefits.

What makes the difference? Intention. Have the intention to carry your focus and presence deeper as you do your daily rituals, and see what happens. If you’ve never thought of your work as potential for ritual before, take a moment and reflect on your day… where does this idea of ritual make perfect sense?

Some days are just meh.

Of course, some days you’re on, and some days you aren’t. Some days, email is just email. Meditation is just sitting there. Chanting is just mindless blather. After all, I’m no Master Oogway, either.

But that’s not a deficiency in the ritual, it’s a lack of intention and presence. Any regular activity can be transformed into ritual with the proper mindset.

So, if you notice yourself out of the groove one day, you’ve got a choice: Hop back up into the saddle, or let it go, and just be where you’re at (that’s called ‘acceptance’). There’s always another day.

What rituals do you use?

Image by moriza.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2009. | Permalink | 9 comments

This past weekend I attended SOBCon08 (the Successful and Outstanding Bloggers Conference) in Chicago, and today I had planned to write all about it. There were some fantastic messages shared, I made some great new friendships, lots of new connections, and had a blast with everyone I met.

Of course, writing about it was what I was going to do today, but… on the way home from dropping off my rental car, we had a tire blow up on the interstate. Knock on wood, we were fine, although the wheelwell got a bit ripped up when the tire’s tread flew off.

And, knock on wood, even though there were a bunch of cars around us, there were no collisions, no problems (except ours)… everyone was fine.

And, knock on wood, the tire actually still worked! The tread blew clear off, but the rest stayed on and inflated, so we could actually limp along in the shoulder until the next off-ramp. (And no, it wasn’t a retreaded tire… the guy at the tire shop said that what happened really shouldn’t have happened. But, of course, it did, so it just goes to show that improbable things actually happen all the time, just in case those of you out there with 100% normal lives were wondering.)

And, amazingly, we were able to drive on the busted-up tire all the way into the next town (over 10 miles), and then into the next town—ours—without incident. Why so far? There’s only one tire place on the way, and they didn’t have one in our size (it’s a truck tire shop, primarily). The shredded tire held its air for one last journey, and we made it all the way to Bob’s Tire Service…

… where, knock on wood, the guys were awesome. We were out the door in about fifteen minutes, with two new tires on the car (we needed two because we were driving on the spare, due to a previous blowout a month or so ago), and filled with gratitude.

And that is the reason I told you the entire story.

Because throughout the entire adventure, we were filled with gratitude about all the wonderful things that conspired to make it as easy a process as it could have been. There were so many places along the way where this story could’ve turned ugly, but it didn’t. There were so many ways in which we could have gotten negative, cursing life… but we didn’t. My girls even did fine with it, finding ways to play and look on the bright side through the whole thing.

And while it means I have to postpone the SOBCon review for another day (because I’ve got to take my daughter to our soccer practice—she plays, I coach—in a few minutes), I’m brimming with gratitude over how fantastic my day has been so far. And that choice—the choice to choose gratitude over whining—made all the difference.

So, can you cultivate a practice of gratitude?

I used to hear people talk about gratitude, and my answer would be, “psh.” I figured that gratitude was for people whose lives were going fantastically, and those of us with struggles might get there someday. But the truth of it is, gratitude is not a by-product of a fantastic life, but how you get to have one in the first place.

How?

Gratitude is not a by-product of a fantastic life, but how you get to have one in the first place.Try it. Even if the ‘fit is hitting the shan’ all around you, see if there’s something you can honestly be grateful for. At first, it might come out like, “Well, at least I’m still breathing…”, but hey, that’s a start. Start wherever you have to — that’s what I did. At the time, I was feeling a lot like Eeyore, moping about my circumstances, but I tried it anyway. And I kept trying to see the bright side, no matter how grey things were looking (and at the time, they were about as grey as an elephant wearing sweatpants in a London fog, let me tell you…).

And you know what? It works. Our lives have totally turned around in so many ways since then. And, just as in my story today, even when things aren’t completely optimal by your standards, you’ll be a lot happier about it if you can be grateful for all that’s going on that’s worth being grateful for. Because, really, there’s always something worth being happy about.

What are you grateful for? How can you, right now, see the silver lining that’s in your life? Add it to the comments below this post, please — because you never know how your words can spark profound change for someone who may read them.

Image by tasteful_tn on Flickr

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2008. | Permalink | 13 comments

Keeping it Simple

We’re heading into Washington, D.C. this weekend to visit with some old friends from Florida, who will be there for a conference. So, I’m keeping Gratitude Friday simple today, because I still need to pack up!

So, some thanks, shout-outs, and such:

Wendy Piersall at eMoms at home, for live blogging at BlogHer this past weekend, for those of us who couldn’t be there. She shares some great pearls of wisdom along with her ebullient personal take on the presentations… go see for yourself.

Edward Mills of Evolving Times, both for his Law of Attraction blog carnival celebration, and for recording an interview on the use of Law of Attraction teachings for business and personal success for my Business is Personal course, which starts next week (hint, hint).

Phil Gerbyshak at Make It GREAT! for pointing his readers towards my "Viverati.com. I had fun writing that one, and I’m glad to see people are enjoying it.

And, of course…

I’m really grateful for the people I’m meeting and the relationships that are being forged through Monk at Work. If I hadn’t started this adventure in blogging, I doubt I ever would have met these fantastic people, and I’m really grateful for their presence in my life.

As my good friend Dawud Miracle always says, it’s about the relationships. And as you can see by my inspirations of gratitude this week, it’s all about people.

The Poetry Bug

You may not know this about me, but my degree in college was in writing; specifically, poetry and short fiction. And yet, I’ve been out of the poetry loop for a while… but this past week, it’s been circling back around into my life again in some interesting ways.

What kicked it all off was the poetry of Rives, from the TED conference I mentioned in last week’s Gratitude Friday.

So today, I’m going to leave you in Rives‘ hands, for a four-minute poetic tribute that always touches me on a very deep level every time I watch it. (He’s got more, too, if you click over to the TED site.)

Have a great weekend — and what are you grateful for?

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 6 comments

Changing the World

This was a real eye-opening week for me, when it comes to ideas. I followed a recommendation on Netflix and watched “The Future We Will Create: Inside the World of TED”, TED being the “Technology Entertainment Design” conference held every year in Monterey, California.

But don’t let the strange title confuse you; this was a great documentary about a fantastic group of visionaries who come together every year to share ideas, join resources, and make amazing things happen for the betterment of the world. It was pretty darn inspiring.

The talks of all the speakers are up at ted.com, and here’s one that really got my juices flowing, by Alex Steffen of worldchanging.com:

One of my favorite moments comes near the end, when Alex says, “The tools we use to change the world ought to be beautiful in themselves.”

(If you’re on Facebook (I am), there’s even a TED group to check out…)

Free Music!

And speaking of expanding your horizons, I found a very interesting music site, called eMusic. I found some great world music, some real off-the-beaten-path kinda stuff, that I haven’t seen anywhere else before (they’ve got all genres, not just international…) And check this out: “Any new customer has up to 14 days to download 25 MP3s, absolutely free of charge.” Cool, huh? Go check them out and get your 25 free songs, it’s pretty cool. (Normally, their songs are about $0.33 each, so they’re a great find.)

Great people, great sites, great causes

Continuing my trip around the virtual world, I got introduced to some great bloggers and sites this week, which is always one of the greatest things about what I do.

Rosa Say of Managing with Aloha
Anna Talerico of No More Landing Pages and Ion Interactive
Siona at Zaadz (And if you’re into Zaadz and Facebook, there’s a Zaadz Facebook group, too)
Valeria Maltoni of Conversation Agent
ZeroFootprint (and their Facebook group)

Images by me, TED, and emusic.

And thanks to all those who commented on the previous post so far: Dailytri, Jean Browman, Stuart Baker

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 5 comments

Well, I’m still reading Dan Pink’s and Tim Ferriss’ books, and loving them. I’ll have to do fuller reviews when I’m done, because there are amazing points in each one that really warrant more attention. For now, I’ll just say that I’m getting great inspiration from each one, and I highly recommend them:

A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future, by Dan Pink

Four Hour Workweek, by Tim Ferriss

Also, I’m a big fan of clarity (in case you couldn’t tell), and that includes using tools like dictionaries and thesauri when I write. I’ve gotten in the habit of using dictionary.com and thesaurus.com, but every time I want to search for something, I have to go into my browser, start typing the URL until the auto-complete pops up, erase the search term, and hit enter. Long process, but worth it.

However, I just found out that Clever Keys has built very cool tools that let you search words on them very, very easily, by installing an option in your contextual menu that lets you access them with one-click (check out the screenshot, on the right). (it sounds technical, but it’s really one of those one-click installs, I promise)

They’re free, and they have Mac and Windows versions. Thanks guys!

And like I mentioned in the last Gratitude Friday, we got hooked up with highspeed internet once again, and it’s wonderful (I feel like Rip Van Winkle, waking up from a two-year sleep). Cool thing: I’m now using Skype for my phone service — and saving almost 90% off my previous phone bill. Amazing, huh?

So, my phone number has changed (it’s on the contact page), and you’re welcome to Skype me as well. Hooray for technology!

Have a great weekend, and, what are you grateful for this week?

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 7 comments

First off, you’ll notice that there aren’t too many posts between the last Gratitude Friday and this one… and for good reason. It’s been a bit all-over-the-place for me this week, although in all good ways (and I’m grateful for that!).

After being marooned on the desert island of dial-up since leaving Florida and moving to this hamlet in West Virginia, we got highspeed hooked up on Wednesday. I’m all grins… and, watching a bit more YouTube than I probably should. (And for the 3.55% of you who are still on dialup, I’ll never forget you!)

I’ve also been blessed with the opportunity to work with Liz Strauss, of Successful Blog, to hone Monk at Work’s message, and I’m immensely grateful (it’s a strange thing; to have something that you do for others, but can’t do for yourself no matter how hard you try.) And because of that, I’ve been a bit internal, trying to let the clarity integrate and settle. (more about this soon, I promise…)

I would like to thank all my email newsletter subscribers who replied to my question about the format change… so far, the poll is tied, so if you’ve got an opinion, please weigh in!

Other spots of gratitude:

• Tim Ferriss’ blog, for new ways of looking at life
• Dan Pink, same reason
• Ankesh Kothari at BlogClout, because I’m now using two WordPress plugins of his
• and for all the people writing “Learning Edge” posts (I’ll be doing a follow-up on it next week)

What are you grateful for this week?

Images by me and Twentieth Century Fox.

And thanks to all those who commented on the previous post so far: Joanna Young, Jean Browman, Slade, dailytri, Patricia, Judy Murdoch

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 6 comments

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.

— Albert Schweitzer

Maybe it was the Learning Edge meme (which is spreading far and wide, thank you all!), but I feel as if I’m on a learning elevator right now — all kinds of areas of my business learning are exploding, and it’s a blast. Big thanks to everyone discussing the landing page revolution, as well as to Dawud and my wife, Laila, for engaging in conversation with me about so many things.

Thanks to Christine Kane for releasing another free song — you rock!

I’m in gratitude to LinkedIn, because I got reconnected this week with two old buddies from college because I saw one of their listings: Robb Earnest and Matt Rivaldi, the owners of Wiggity Bang Games (makers of Quelf) — I know what I’m giving as Christmas gifts this year!

And one last gratitude shout goes out to the Creator of all things, because it’s summer — and that means it’s watermelon season. (The monk loves himself some watermelon, lemme tell ya.)

What are you grateful for this week?

Image by me (thanks to my mom, who drew the monks, and to Adobe, for supplying the font).

And thanks to all those to commented on my previous post so far: Edward Mills, Mark Silver, Judy Murdoch, Tasnim, Joanna Young, Jocelyn, Jean Browman, Dylan Emrys, Kathy M., Jennifer Hoffman, Karin H.

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 3 comments

Every Friday I’ll post about the things that are inspiring my heart with gratitude, from all areas of my life, including relationships and resources that you may find useful. My intent is that it becomes a way to increase the joy and richness in your life as well as mine.

Ingratitude reveals ignorance,
and the friends of truth are truly thankful.
— Shabistari

With no further ado…

Char P. of Essential Keystrokes is celebrating her “blogging birthday” this week, and giving away a bunch of gifts in the process — including a subscription to my Inner Audio Series, which I’m very grateful for. (Char also joined in Hilda Carrol’s music meme, recently, just like I did; she’s a fellow music lover, so her post is well worth the read).

My good friend Dawud Miracle is joining Wendy Piersall at eMoms at Home — he’ll be a regular voice over there, bringing his perspective as an eDad to the mix. I’m grateful all around for both of them and all of us, and I’m excited to see what will flow from their partnership.

Edward Mills of Evolving Times wrote a great article about the difference between “telling” and “showing” when it comes to the Law of Attraction — very, very meaty and rich. Thanks for the article, Ed.

And, I won a book this week from In Bubble Wrap, called “All The Tea In China” — how cool is that? In Bubble Wrap gives away free business books just about every day, no strings attached, which is something I know a lot of people are grateful for. Check ‘em out. Can you believe it? The day I blog about IBW, they close up shop. I just went over to see what the book of the day is, and I find a notice that he’s packing it in. Good news, though: he says everyone who enters the final drawing (which will be up until July 6, he says) will get a book. Which book, who knows; but a book it will be. Act now, or forever hold your peace.

And to round out the list, one of our good friends, Penelope Melas (wife of Greg Lee, owners of Two Frogs Healing Center, where my wife is going to be teaching a workshop on defeating your sugar cravings in July), had a baby girl early Thursday morning. Congratulations, Lee family!

What are you grateful for this week?

Images by me and Amazon.

And thanks to all those to commented on my previous post so far: Liz Strauss, Jayne

© Adam for Adam Kayce, 2007. | Permalink | 4 comments