Comments on: How To Escape The Gratitude Trap

By: Stuart Baker

Stuart Baker — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 18:54:48 +0000

Hi Adam and all,

It seems to me to largely come down to personal honesty and integrity. Don’t we spend a lot of time and healing shedding “shoulds”? I find that the better I can keep an attitude and stance of being open for opportunities to give and be thankful, the divine answers, which in turn makes me grateful. This is an ongoing dance for sure!

Thanks for the initial subject, Adam.

Be well,

Stuart Baker

By: amanda@choosing-life-my-way.com

amanda@choosing-life-my-way.com — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:12:59 +0000

A very insightful read and some thought-provoking ideas on an important subject. There is definitely a difference between powerful gratitude and appreciation, and pathetic gratefulness..

By: cshav10

cshav10 — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:51:25 +0000

Brilliant little piece of detective work, Adam. The job of noticing your vibrational setpoint is actually noticing all the emotions (and in what proportions) exist in your thoughts, words and deeds. Because (as you’ve discovered) any part of the emotional scale can be twinged with emotions from – usually lower – someplace else on the emotional scale, it’s frequently possible that we are playing a chord and not the beautiful, pure single note of vibration that we think we’re playing. I really like the idea of quieting the mind before reaching for the better feeling thought/emotion…so you get quiet enough to actually feel what you’re feeling. Really feeling into what you are feeling requires that silence. Wonderful post!

By: Gratitude Watch – 2009-08-09 — The Meaning of Existence (and all that)

Gratitude Watch – 2009-08-09 — The Meaning of Existence (and all that) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 06:57:27 +0000

[...] at Life, by Adam Kayce gives us “How To Escape The Gratitude Trap,” some straight talk for those of us that really don’t care for the idea of gratitude one [...]

By: Aldohas

Aldohas — Thu, 07 May 2009 03:39:07 +0000

I like this statement
“no matter where you’re coming from, no matter what hand life has dealt you, you can create a new practice, a new relationship, to gratitude that is healthy, positive, and empowering”.

inspire me a lot
thanks

By: Shauna @ IncreasingVelocity.com

Shauna @ IncreasingVelocity.com — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:27:02 +0000

Hi, Adam;

How very interesting…I had not considered the ‘shame’ aspect before. How much more effective it would have been for our parents to say with excitement, ‘Wow! That’s fantastic! Whaddya say!?…’ with a genuine smile and we would likely have said thank you with enthusiasm and pleasure, attaching those emotions instead..

Like you, I have found that practising gratitude can be reduced to sort of forcing ourselves to make lists, ie. looking around and saying OK my health, my children, this beautiful day, etc., without really FEELING excited and sparkly and full of genuine gratitude – to the Universe, to ourselves for our creations – to whatever feels good. This is definitely not going to cause any expansion, and I remember discussing this in an article, “Gratitude Equals Expansion”.

Thanks for sharing your willingness to a) go back and search out WHY, and b) change it.

Shauna

P.S. Adam, I hope you don’t mind my posting — I came by to say hello after going through the Personal Development list on my own site – ! – which we’re both on. It’s such a fabulous, long list I don’t always have time to say hi to everyone on it, so I decided to do that starting this week. Best of success to you, always, and I will be back soon. I love what I see here…

By: Gina Loree Marks

Gina Loree Marks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 17:57:16 +0000

I just wanted to add a few words to Hamish’s comment.

Something I had heard and was trying to articulate (poorly) to a friend about the difference between feeling gratitude and appreciation.

As revered as gratitude is, it seems to carry a vibration of the flip-side.. the sense of ‘There but for the grace of God go I”…. the vague discomfort that while I have this now, I could just as easily not have it. And therein lies a fear of losing it.

Which is really true… you know, that whole impermanence thing. But it seems to imply that our good fortune is dependent on external factors, and therefore our worthiness to receive.

Appreciation, to me, seems to be less detached. Things flow in and out of our lives. We’re conscious of when they’re there, and we’re happy, and when they’re not there, no big. We’re still fine.

Semantics maybe? Appreciation just feels more positive to me. More empowered. Less dependent on the external for our well-being. More aware that we already have all we need. Everything else is just icing. And we appreciate icing.

Thoughts?

By: Hamish MacDonald

Hamish MacDonald — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 20:41:03 +0000

I’ve been keeping a regular gratitude log lately, and, honestly, it’s kind of freaking me out. It’s a reaction I haven’t read about anywhere: fear of losing the stuff I’ve just made myself grateful for.

I have a brilliant relationship! (Oh no, it could end!)

I have a great writing career! (Cue the media banshees with their caterwauling about the economy and how everyone’s going to lose everything.)

Your non-dualistic approach is very helpful, though, because it takes away that reverse-entitlement mentality, like I’ve been granted this stuff and thus if I’m bad or suddenly unworthy it can be taken away. If there’s no “other”, then I can just be grateful for the state of things in this moment.

Thanks for the insight.

By: Helena

Helena — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 18:39:23 +0000

Wow! You always make me think I recognize the shame because my mom was always big on that too. With her appearances were everything, and so we were always subjected to “so what do you say” even if we were getting there in our own childlike speed. The other thing that hit me reading this was the sense of obligation that was always attached to saying thank you. And I don’t mean in a equal, balanced, Law of Reciprocity way. With my mom, expressing gratitude for something was never enough, she always had to know that she was gonna get something back from you.
Because of that, I’ve noticed whenever I do a gratitude exercise I word it in a way that I’m never saying thank you to someone or something for what I have. I always use “I am thankful for… ” and that allows me to express the gratitude without feeling like I have a mark against me on someone’s scorecard.

By: Adam Kayce

Adam Kayce — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:57:59 +0000

Hey Scott, thanks for sharing that. And thanks for coming by. Genuine Chris (thank goodness it wasn't that fake Chris coming by again) - thanks. I'm a bit of a typography nut myself, and even though this site's typography is super-simplified in some ways, it's probably the one I've put the most time and attention into. I checked out ftherapy, too; I dig what you've done with it. F@#$%ing great approach. Gina - thanks—seriously—and I'd love to hear more about your approach with your kids, since I'm navigating that myself right now.