Out with the old, in with the new.
That’s my motto right now. I reserve the right to change it, if/when it suits me, but that seems to be the flavor of my thinking lately.
Ever have the feeling your business could use an emema? I did/do, and I’ve been laying down on that table for quite some time now.
To help steer me away from expanding on that metaphor, and to give you some context, let me give you some background. This will be especially helpful for those of you who haven’t known me all that long, all that well, or just are curious about the path I’ve come to tread and where this blog is going. I’ll try to be succinct…
Tra-la-la-ing down memory lane…
When I was 24, I went to a school for energetic healing, which soon became spiritual/energetic healing, and after graduating, I taught for them. But, since it was part-time, I had a private practice on the side, and started teaching groups, too. One thing morphed into another, and I was a healer/intuitive/teacher/thingy, and needed a platform. That platform became Monk at Work.
When my long-time buddy Dawud Miracle got me into blogging (so now you know who to thank/blame), the only way I thought to write was the same way I’d been doing for my email newsletters and for my classes, which was the Authority model. As in, “I’m the authority, and here’s what you need to know.” Which is great, if that’s what you think you need. But, as you’ll soon see, that set me up for some rough times…
Time passed. I kept writing, learning, and teaching. My subscribers grew, and life was good. Until the bottom fell out.
About two years ago, the school I was teaching with underwent both a metamorphosis and a financial crunch, and I found myself jobless. Not a huge deal, I thought; I saw it coming for a long time. I figured I’d be fine with my own classes, clients, and products, and life would continue on pretty much as it had before.
And it was good. I enjoyed my work, I kept on writing, and, free of the organization that had shaped so much of my development for so many years, and all the expectations that came along with it, I was free to explore my spiritual path without anyone “looking over my shoulder”, so to speak. I was accountable to no one but myself.
But then, doubts that I had long been suppressing arose. Rumors that had been circulating were examined. Curtains were lifted, and I peered behind them. And—long story carefully sidestepped—I didn’t like what I found.
This led to a lot of soul searching. And a lot of research. And a lot of raging. And a few pity parties (I was the only one who attended, though, thank god). And I came to a few inescapable conclusions:
- I didn’t like how exclusionary my beliefs had become.
- I didn’t feel the same kind of joy with my spiritual path as I once did.
- I didn’t like having my spiritual well-being and my financial well-being merged into one vehicle.
- I had lost my spiritual direction, and going back to it was not an option.
Now, if you think this is easy for me to write about, you’re dead wrong. I’m practically crapping in my pants writing this right now, because I’ve never said this publicly before. Imagine: the financial well-being of your wife and kids, who count on you for the roof over their heads and the food on their plates, is on your shoulders. You have clients, students, and people in your community who look to you for direction, and you no longer have answers for them. All of your so-called status is wrapped up in something that just evaporated like a fart in the wind. And now, you’re talking about it with the world.
What do you do?
Well, I have no idea what you’d do, but here’s what I did: I quit teaching. I completed with all my clients and handed them to someone else. I collapsed my website and tried going in a different direction (Viverati, I’m looking at you). I plunged headlong into a long-time hobby of mine—webdesign—and beefed up my skills to the point where I could go professional with it. I learned more about WordPress that I knew there was to know, and I keep learning more all the time. In short, I took a side passion and ran with it, because my old roads had been demolished.
But still, Monk at Work remains.
This blog remains. You remain, reading this. And even though I haven’t felt very Monkish in quite some time, I realize that this is my home, and I want to be here. I want to have you here. But not as your Authority.
When I announced Monk at Work’s Grand Re-Opening, I thought I could just waltz back in and start writing again. But with all that got washed away in my great flood, the Authority model got washed away with it.
Every week I think, “I really need to write a blog post”, but I haven’t been able to. My habits turn to the Authority model, but my heart is somewhere else. I’m not the Authority anymore, if I ever even was. I’m just me, in a monk’s clothing (speaking of, if anyone knows where I can get some saffron monk’s robes, I’d love to know).
It took some time, some conversations with my wife, and a few good examples to see that I have a voice without the Authority, and it’s worth sharing.
Besides, I don’t think being teachy-preachy really helps all that much. What I think helps is having friends to share the journey with, hearing the real story from what people go through, and learning from the experiences of others. The people I like to read the most aren’t proselytizing, they’re just being themselves. The funnier, the crazier, the more unique, the more honest and authentic, the better. I don’t expect them to be “the world’s best”; I expect them to be themselves.
Whether people show up at their finest, or fall flat on their face, makes no difference. I feel closer to them when they’re being honest, and I learn either way. So why, on God’s Green Earth, am I expecting something else from myself, and from you?
So, here’s the wake-up call.
If you’ve been reading me because you want a perfect model of how to be/do/have something, it’s time to unsubscribe, and search for your own personal guru somewhere else. There are plenty of people out there who would love to take your fawning admiration and inflate themselves with it, but I’m no longer one of them. It disgusts me that I used to be in that fraternity, even if it wasn’t a conscious intention of mine to be there. It happened, and I’m putting it behind me.
If you’re wanting to hear the personal journey of a man trying to live consciously, do good things, learn fun stuff, get in damn good shape, and unleash his triple-Virgo self all over what it takes to operate a successful website, then stick around. I’m planning to share my insights on all the stuff I’m interested in, from productivity to WordPress to macs, from CrossFit to personal development to social media, and try to do it all as genuinely and authentically as I can. No promises of brilliance, no claims to perfection, no one-up/one-down teacher/student relationships. Just me. Just you.
Image by pixelfahrenheit20.
Just friends.
I’ve never done this before, but…
FIRST!!!!
Okay, how much do I love being on the same line with your wife? (Sounds weird, but you know what I mean.) And Havi, and Naomi?
Dude. You’re beyond awesome for writing this post. I predict you will be rewarded a thousand-fold for it.
I also predict you will have a KICKED ASS if you stop writing. And you know, when it comes to ass-kicking, I’m pretty good with the prognostications.
Go! Go! Go!
You rock, C. I would hope that your boots would find their way to my derriere if I ever did drop off the face of the earth.
Rewards? Who knows. All I know is I can’t do it like I used to do it, and I’m one of those gotta-be-transparent people that needs open air in order to fly.
Way to rock, dude. I love you, and your whole family, too. And, we love our website.
Adam
What a relief…..I too, am stepping off the authority place, even though “writing smart” is sort of my style anyway and wanting connection with my followers….I made a radical decision to change from doing a newsletter to inviting people to take a journey of transformation with me….in effect, I am “breaking up with my list” and will see what remains. scary but way needed. It feels freeing, glad to see this is part of the entrepreneurial journey.
Michelle
The Soul Coach
Adam, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I wrestle with this often. Suppressed doubt, circulating rumors, curtains begging to be lifted… the high, high cost of being a legend in my own mind.
And yet, I keep discovering that we also serve who think about ourselves too much.
Authority is a slope made all the more slippery by my occasional conviction that I know what I’m doing. Still, pratfalls have long been a mainstay of human comedy. By sharing yours you lend dignity to mine. And if that’s the setup for another fall, oh well!
Not only do we not get out of this alive, I’m thinking we don’t get out of it — if we’re lucky — with our egos intact.
Loving you, loving your work, never met a monk I didn’t like.
Adam, what a wonderful post! I went through a similar transition in different circumstances ten years ago, when I left the spiritual center I’d founded and that had been the focus of many years of my life.
Real freedom lies in being who you are. Everything else is just noise.
Your right people will find you and love you for your wonderful, honest, clear voice. Thanks so much for writing.
Hooray for your new adventure! And yaay for your courage in being real. I look forward to reading a lot more from you.
Thanks, Hiro!
Wow, I could have written this post. I had a similar “falling out” of, well, whatever…. Came into finding my own path and will never go back.
Congrats on your courage and making your own way with the talents and passion you obviously have.
All the best as you move forward!
Welcome back, Adam. I missed you.
xo
- Jen
Brandie and Michelle, isn’t it wild to find others who are in the same place at the same time, and going through the same journey, or who have gone through something almost identical before? It just reinforces for me how much we have to learn from each other, and how valuable community can be.
Not to sound too much like a geek, but thank god for the Internet. At least it’s easier to realize we aren’t alone.
Jennifer, thanks. Good to see you, again, too. No more switcheroos, I promise.
Molly, when you said:
That just cracked me up. So true… so painfully true. Walking the balance beam between humility and ownership of the talents we do have is such a dance.
And thanks for the lovin’… big hugs right back atcha. Hope your wrist heals well and fast.
I like the way you think! Thank you for writing this. I feel a little less alone, and a little less crazy knowing there are others out there to share the journey with. I’m looking forward to reading more of what you have to share.
Here’s to a great new adventure!
Adam,
I loved reading every word of this. Thank you for shining your unique light brightly. It serves as an example for me and others to do the same!
Amy
On twitter @LotusAmy
Lena, you bring up an excellent point: no matter how crazy, weird, or out-of-place we feel in this world, the bottom-line truth is that there are others out there who feel the same as we do. The trick is to find them, and let us reassure and help each other as we walk our paths. Thanks for commenting.
Amy, how cool to see you here, fellow Twitterer!
If you, or anyone, writes a post on your own sites about shining your own light, or finding your own path, I’d love it if you linked back here to this post or drop me a comment or email, so I/we could see the fruits of your journey, too. And if you’re in the midst of it, don’t hesitate to write about that, too. The comments here prove that there’s a wealth of support to be had, no matter what stage of your journey you’re in.
I am so with you. I run a private group on the internet for abuse victims, and every day (usually), I have been writing what I have come to think of as my Sermon Of The Day. For over a year. And I suddenly hit the wall, and said, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue to be these people’s Authority and Comforter and Exhorter. What do I know. So I stopped. And the group crashed. They need that. So I am back writing my Exhortation of the Day. I lost faith in myself, but found it again.
I am a Buddhist. But I have learned that one of the Paths we walk is that of responsibility, both to ourselves and to others. Sometimes letting go is not an option.
Good for you. I applaud your decisions, courage and actions. You rock!
Adam,
Become more of who you are and you will be rich, indeed, as will all of those who know you. Nice work.
My new 2009 calendar has a bold quote on the front: “your path will guide you, you cannot lose your way.”
On, on, Adam.
Sue
Adam,
IMHO, ‘service’ has always been your most obvious strength. In my journey, I’ve learned that this is all the ‘authority’ anyone ever needs.
On another note,Little Elvis gave me a book over the holidays and one phrase stood out above the rest. I’ve adopted it as a quasi-mantra for my life.
Less past, More future.
Here’s to your future.
Baz
This is wonderful! And so amazing right now. This is right where I am. I’ve just started a blog of my own because I recognized that my need to feel superior and brilliant was infecting all of my writing. Actually, it was making it almost impossible to write. So, I knew that I needed some practice just being me at the keyboard, and so I decided to start a blog. Hopefully, I’ll get some practice settling into my voice, and find some other friendly, like-minded people along the way.
And Adam, you’re so totally right. Thank God for the internet. I’ve found so many great people, and the blogosphere is turning out to be a beautifully supportive and gently nudging social scene. I’m loving it.
Adam, Since you asked.
I wrote this post, Why the World Needs You to Shine Now (and Why You Aren’t Meant to Do It Alone) at the beginning of December.
Well, you did learn a lot about word press and my website is a good example of all that patient learning.
And I have gone through this exact same thing… about 8 years ago. I DON’T WANT TO BE AN EXPERT was my anguished cry. Now i just laugh at the idea… imperfection reigns but only once you’ve gotten free… and it is scary as all get out.
Glad to share the non expert road with you, friend.
Hey Adam,
I think your writing is actually naturally authoritative, and when you write a tough and honest pieces like this, it just comes out so much stronger! Pretty inspiring stuff, in a real way.
Kind of a paradox, isn’t it?
Vitor
Hey Adam,
You always seem to write a post with such perfect timing – how do you do that? I, too, like many others that have left you a comment, am in the midst of finding my voice. Many times those inner voices would come into play when I began to write, concerned that it’s not the right thing to write or will any one like it – definitely too much mind going on and not enough heart. Now it all comes from my heart, my inner voice.
I am also into a lot of different things and that concerned me as well – what’s that saying?….goes something like expert at many, master of none. Well, I threw that belief right out the window! I’m on a certain path, one leading me on a journey of awakening, but what the heck, I’m a licensed cosmetologist and love that too. I love designing hairstyles on all the different canvases (heads) I come across and I love skin care and makeup. But what I’ve discovered is to bring the awareness I am uncovering into all that I do. So one day I may write about what has served me on my spiritually journey, other days I may write about the latest hair trends. This, I realize is perfectly fine. It’s me and that’s the most important thing.
Many blessings on your continuing journey,
Gina
Adam,
Just saw this quote and wanted to share it – thought it was quite fitting.
Gina
“Truth needs great effort, discovery, risk, and it needs you to walk alone on a path that nobody has traveled before.” Osho
(This is what I get for going to sleep!
)
Marti, every time I’ve made a shift like this, I “lose subscribers”, too – either in my life, or my lists, wherever. I don’t mind anymore, though, because those that stay are obviously the people who I resonate with even more, and new people that are attracted to me because of it also are more of my tribe than ever before. (And isn’t that just totally cool?)
Sue, thanks; love the quote, too.
Barry, re: the service piece… thanks. Re: “less past, more future”… here, here.
Diane, welcome to the blogging world! When it comes to finding your voice, I think it’s one of the best vehicles out there. Nothing beats blogging for interactivity with your audience.
My advice: just keep on blogging. Use it to find your clarity and your perspective. It’s a fabulous litmust test, BS meter, and flattener-of-boundaries in the best of ways, if you get what I mean.
Molly, thanks for posting that link; that is awesome. I left you a comment there, too, of course… anyone reading this should click through and see it. The Marianne Williamson corollary is outstanding.
Jennifer: non-experts rule! (no wait, we don’t!)
Vitor, thanks, brother, I appreciate that very much. And yes, a paradox for certain… and, a delightful way. In a coincidental kind of way.
Gina, I think the “jack of all trades, master of none” expression has handicapped too many good people into neglecting their interests to their own detriment. I got curious, and looked it up on Wikipedia… and found something very interesting:
In company with da Vinci? From now on, I’m going to take that as a compliment.
In CrossFit, we also believe that the overall capabilities of a generalist far outweigh the specialists’, and we pride ourselves on being generalists. Just more evidence of the benefits of the well-rounded path.
Oh, and that’s a great Osho quote, but I think I like yours better:
That sums it up really well.
da Vinci? Love it Adam! Thanks for giving me even another amazing perspective. I may have to use that on my blog one day from Wikipedia-if you don’t mind of course and I’ll certainly link back to you too.
Thanks-I love the internet, as you and others have said- I learn and discover so many cool things from so many people.
Thanks too for your kind words on my quote
Have a blast today-it’s snowing here in Jersey and I’m going to be out right in the middle of it playing with Roxy (my bullmastiff)-she jumps around in it like a rabbit-she’ll probably knock me down a few times too-all in fun of course.
And then learning more on how to use my iPhone-and how not become an iPhone junkie
Gina
Hi Adam,
I just discovered you today through Mark Silver’s blog roll and boy am I glad I did!
This whole issue about ditching the Authorityitis Syndrome seems to be the cutting edge of what is happening in the blogosphere and I for one welcome it with open- if trembling -arms.
It’s scary to come out from behind that protective mask of being the one who knows and seemingly has it all together, but it sure is getting old ( or maybe I’m just getting old) and I just don’t have the energy for it anymore.
So it’s nice to feel like there is a community of other folks out there who are exploring this brave new world of vulnerability and authenticity!
Thanks and good luck on your journey!
Chris
Hi Chris… welcome to the monastery!
I didn’t write about it in this post, but you brought up a great point: the energy drain of maintaining a persona. Shedding that baggage is a wonderful thing.
Thanks for the well-wishes, and I hope to see you around more.
Good for you! I just Googled you to see how you were doing and was pleasantly surprised. I’m adding you to my Live Bookmarks and am looking forward to reading more.
Adam – ditto ditto ditto all of the above! Especially the welcome back part. I’ve missed you!
And if YOU’RE not living the concept of “Monk at work” I don’t know what else that would look like. It sounds like you’re in the midst of a glorious paradigm shift. And what’s so remarkable is how transparent you’re being. It’s inspiring!
Up until now, I’ve tended to try and do my own spiritual system upgrades (to borrow a high-tech metaphor) under cover of darkness, when others (oh, and ME) are likely to be asleep so they don’t notice the shift while it’s happening. Cuz you know, there might be some DEBUGGING required…(*might* be?!?) LOL
But now that I see what you’re up to, hmmmm… It sounds sooooooo heavenly to just relax and LET THINGS BE AS THEY ARE, all the ding-dang day.
From that place, I might be able to bring a new level of curiosity and humbleness to my writing. And perhaps remember Whose authority it is that I’m borrowing.
Thank you.
Adam,
What a pleasure to read your words today. It really is all
about community. We each have wonderful wisdom to share
with each other. You are a great group leader and now I see that
you have found your true voice. I know viewing your site will be
more rewarding. Thank you for your truth.
Michaelle
Welcome back to Life 101 Adam. I’ve missed your antics!
It good to see a lot of names I recognize writing to you, it demonstrates when we live authentically, our life reaches out to others in so many ways. Living though our higher state of being is a challenge, a blessing, and is FUN.
It’s almost like everyone that thought they’d advanced to Life 1101 is realizing that above 101 is where the ego lies. Been there, done that, still do at times. Then a dose of humanness hits, kicks my butt, and I realize I’ve let the ego take over.
Just-you/Just-me is a style only Adam Kacye can do. Keep on, Keeping on…..
Life’s like a bowl of cherries, sometimes you get a pit but most of the time enjoy the fruit.
Chuck
PS: I love to see your emails, “monk at work” I missed.