In just about every post on Monk at Work since its inception, I’ve presented ideas, problems, concepts, and scenarios, all about ways that people (i.e. you and me) can lose sight of our hearts as we work. I’ve also done my best to provide solutions, based on my years of experience as a spiritual and energetic healer, business consultant, and teacher.
Today, however, you’ll get none of that (or, very little). Instead, today is about questions. My questions.
Because yes, I still have them. I have questions all the time, about how to do things, what to say, what to create… I have way more questions than I’ll ever have time to find solutions to, no matter how intuitive I am.
Bulldozer Questions.
Some questions are small, some are large. And some, like the one I’m dealing with right now, is huge. Gorilla-huge. Boulder-huge. Construction-equipment-huge. And as much as I don’t want to admit this to the question… I don’t have an answer for it.
But here’s the rub: When I get a question stuck in my mind that I can’t answer, it sits front and center in my consciousness, like a splinter under a toenail, unable to be ignored.
It’s rough; I can’t focus on any other work when a question sits in my mind like this. It’s like an insistent three-year-old, who just can’t understand, "not right now; can you see that Daddy’s trying to focus?" The question just keeps saying, "look, man… look at me. Look. Now. Hey, I’m talking to you. Pay attention to me. Hey. Look. Look at me, man, because I’m not going away until you do."
And so I look. And I listen. And I ask it what it wants, what the real question is. But the problem is, even when I hear the question, I have no answer for it. It’s not a question that can be answered right now, at least not with a meaningful answer.
But it doesn’t like that.
No answer is not an answer.
And so it waits, with all the patience of that three-year-old. Look. Look. Look. Look at me.
(How can I not look at you, you mean? How can I deny you, the spike in my forehead, the salt-and-lemon-juice-cocktail in the wound of my uncertainty?)
All normal thoughts of productivity go out the window in times like these. I’m forced to attempt patience, to pull all the stops out of my repertoire of self-healing techniques, and deny all my self-protective impulses that tell me to ignore it, cover it over, distract myself, and maybe, just maybe, it’ll go away on its own.
(Heck, why do you think I’m writing this — for glory? Goodness, no; hoping that writing would provide catharsis was my latest, best idea to bleed the pressure out of my mind, after a day spent tapping, talking, praying, pacing around my office, and soul-searching to the best of my ability…)
My last question — and this one’s for you:
What do you do in times like these? When you’re faced with a question, a decision, even one that isn’t formed enough that it has words yet, but you just know you have to change something… what do you do?
UPDATE: I just had to add this… my muse-of-writing, the Communicatrix, recently posted about her own travels into what I call "The Pit" — she calls it "The Black Hole." And her post also mentioned another by An Amateur’s Manifesto… both are outstanding. Highly recommended.
Want a podcast of this? Click here.
Image by scottfeldstein on Flickr, via Creative Commons license.
And thanks to all those who commented on the previous posts so far: Matthew, Tom Volkar, Dylan
Here are a few things that have sometimes worked for me:
• Share the question with one or a few trusted friends/wise(wo)men/colleagues, not so much expecting them to answer it, as to offer perspectives I’d not considered.
• Take the question to bed and give it to my dreams.
• Get busy with some other, relatively mindless, task. Sometimes, answers hide when we’re trying too hard to see them. Like a name we can’t remember until we think about something else, or a child who takes hide-and-seek a bit too seriously, sometimes answers only show up when we stop looking for them.
Hope these help, Adam. Wishing you peace, even before your answer makes itself known.
AmpleHugs,
-Anne
I entertain another layer of the question by asking myself: “How will I be different when this is answered?” Then I go about my day and invite myself to act “as if” the question were already answered. I become more interested in the context of feeling what it’s like to have an answered question, than I am in having a specific answer. I notice how I’m different — am I breathing easier? are my shoulders more relaxed? Rick Carson’s book, Taming Your Gremlin, has been my guiding light in this arena.
1: put it in my gtd system with the tag: to ponder
2: ask questions back to the question. Like: “I’m not sure I understand the question, please specify yourself”, “could you put that in other words”, “is there any underlying motivation for your existence that I’m not aware of?”, “where do you come from”, “how important is it to have an answer to you”, “to whom is it important”, “what happens when I answer you, will you go away or present yourself to me in another form”, and so on and so on.
If / when I attack the question with it’s own weapons, often it shows it’s true face. Then stuff becomes clear, less of a mountain that seams insurmountable and we can be friends again.
And remember, the answer almost always boils down to “42″
To me it’s just an exercise in creative problem solving. If I can find more information related to the problem I look for it, add it to the pot and play with the question. If there’s nothing I can do right now I expand my field of view and put the question/problem in a mental collage, as a part, but only a part of my life. I remind it I haven’t forgotten about it, and the answer will come in the fullness of time.
My background, of course, is in creative problem solving. I majored in physics at Stanford, which meant we had weekly problem sets in our classes. In the upper level classes there would invariably be one or two problems on each set that couldn’t be solved by just applying the principles we were learning. We had to have some creative insight and see the problem in a new way. I was one of the few people who could find the answer, but it wasn’t easy. I would immerse myself in the problem, then sleep on it. In the middle of the night I would wake up with an idea and get up and check it out. Usually the first couple of ideas wouldn’t work, so I would go through the process again. But the correct answers would eventually come. It was hard on the nervous system, but those “aha” moments were heady stuff. So one of my goals in life was to have those moments with a lot less wear and tear on my body.
When I worked I always volunteered for the hardest problems, ones other people didn’t know how to tackle. I didn’t know either, but I knew the uncertainty and discomfort were just part of the process, so I didn’t get jerked around by them.
So my suggestion is to be patient and have faith that the answer will come. And that when it does it will be worth the price you had to pay for it.
Anne, Erica, Sanne, and Jean, you’re all fantastic. These are some great suggestions.
Lucky for me, the writing-catharsis-plan did let off some steam, so at least I’ve had some relief for the past few hours (and being with my kids helped, too)… and that gives me juice to come back around for more. Soon.
Anyone else? Any other ideas/suggestions/stories?
Adam,
I love this challenge!
The first thing I recognize in what you describe, as part of my own process, is the way in which you presented a dialog. Not only is it entertaining to read your “conversation,” this is also a big part of my strategy.
I personify the Problem/Question as an entity with whom I must develop a relationship. Think about this – relationships are dynamic, evolving; they are not events. A question and an answer implies an event – a single moment, with a finite boundary, beginning and end. Bam.
You can’t have this same expectation of a person or a relationship. While you recognize that people come into your life to teach you something, that their presence may be extremely meaningful and purposeful, you don’t expect to meet a person who will become a long-time friend and know what they mean to you when you shake hands. You don’t get them in an event. You accumulate the significance of the relationship over time, bits and pieces, that evolve, unfold…
I’ve written a bit about this concept in a post about creating a dynamic relationship with Money (as a person, as an archetype). The link is on my name above… This concept is creative and flexible, and can be applied to any number of things in your life.
So, the bottom-line of my recommendation is, keep engaging in these dialogs with your Question or Challenge as part of a relationship. Personify the Question and explore its characteristics. Talk to it. And let it reveal itself to you not as a single answer in a moment, but as an Answer you get to know as a person.
Make friends with It and commit to getting to know It.
Adam,
I think the question needs to be known, understood, assimilated before you can answer it. Don’t focus directly on the question, but around it:
-Why is the question popping up right now?
-Why is it making me uncomfortable?
-What does it reveal about me (insecurites, limiting beliefs, etc)
-Could it actually be the answer of a certain problem I’m trying to resolve?
It has happened to me a lot that the greatest questions I face are actually answers in and of themselves, pointing in the direction to go, exposing weak spots I wasn’t aware of, etc.
Think of the question as a potential friend (just like Slade said). You have to get to know it first before you will be able to answer it completely and in a way that rings the bell of your inner truth.
-
Um… I ask it.
This sounds painfully simplistic after the profundity of previous comments – but that’s just what I do. For me, that persistent terrier kind of question is a clear signal I need to get out the beads and talk to the I Ching.
(Actually, when Anne says she gives the question to her dreams, she’s doing very much the same thing. The oracle of inviting dreams must have been around for about as long as humans have been dreaming.)
What I receive in return isn’t necessarily The Answer; as often as not it’s a still-less-comfortable question. But it creates dialogue and flow and momentum, gets me out of all logical or emotional loops I might be stuck in, and connects me back into the whole.
What a useful post. And the fabulous answers. I am printing this all out. This might have been the most useful thing I have read in the last 6 months.
What I do is sit, meditate, and go deep, and let it all bubble up to a scenario of sorts. As this process happens, an answer often comes into view, and I am living in the answer.
I don’t know how I do this, so I am not adding anything helpful for anyone else to use, but it is my method for dealing with boulder questions.
And contrary to Sanne Roemen, I find the answer is pretty much never 42. That is the answer to life, but not to boulder questions.
This is such a great post and so many wonderful answers. I am going to come back to this again and again.
As for your persistent question that that won’t let you rest until you address it, i really love Hilary’s “just ask it,” which I’m sure you’ve done already. As you’ve discovered, ignoring it only aggravates it more.
I love how you have written this all down here as a form of giving “it” the attention it desires. It then becomes not about finding The Answer, but about the journey of introspection and inquiry.
Also what a gift for all of us this post is! The tendency is to go it alone and struggle rather than reach out to those who love you and want to offer what has worked for them.
This is a great lesson, to tap into our resources like this. It also endears us (read, me) all the more to a person who authentically incorporates all of himself into his life and work, who doesn’t pretend to have all the answers but instead is a master at asking questions.
Thank you, Kayce.
Hi Friend – I reconnect with the truth that no matter what happens, I (and anyone else the situation may seem to affect) will be okay.
And not just okay, but better – because whatever comes is always for the best even if I can’t see it right away.
Can you find some ways that it’s better that you don’t have an answer yet?
How is this whole situation of not knowing *for* you?
It can feel like a stretch, but a powerful one.
Appreciating you and your path…
Thanks Everyone, for all your input. I’ve gotten great suggestions, and I’m pretty much through the roughest parts.
I appreciate all your help, and I think it’s great how much helpful information has poured out from everyone.
It’s complicated issue isn’t?
I usually try to break it down, pure GTD style, to get to the root of the question.
Visualize a positive outcome, and kind of reverse engineer from that.
There’s actually a software that can come in handy in situations like this it’s called: Flying Logic:
“Flying Logic is a revolutionary tool that helps you answer these questions— a true “spreadsheet for rational thought.”
I’ve used it in work sometimes and it helped out.
Oooo…I’m a muse of writing!? Awesome!
Thanks for the out-loud support, Adam. It is so wonderful having you in my collection of friends.
Eric, thanks for sharing. Flying Logic, eh? I’ll go check it out.
C-trix, you’re totally a muse. I get ultra-inspired every time I read your work. You’re just juicy as heck… and I think my writing gets better the more I read you. (Too bad I don’t live further West; it’d be a blast to hang out sometime.)